I feel like I'm drowning. I'll admit it, language learning isn't my favorite ministry activity. I'm not terrible at it theoretically {on paper, when I have time to find the right word, put it in the right tense, and make sure I've got my pronouns straight}. But practically {verbally} I hate trying and messing up and feeling dumb.
Alas, language learning isn't even the biggest issue. The biggest issue right now is that I don't actually have time to devote 9+ hours a week to anything extra.
We have begun sleep training Elizabeth {we can see the light at the end of the tunnel!} but that doesn't erase the sleep debt that has accumulated the past 8 months. The boys are back in school full-time which is great- but now they come home with full-time homework. I still have a baby around all day. And Josh is still actively participating in ministry on campus. Not to mention all our other duties for WGM Uganda.
I know some things have to shift to the back-burner when you're doing language study. I just haven't quite decided which of these things can be released... my kids can't. my husband can't. sleep can't. dinner can't.
And then, He comes. With an outstretched hand, He invites me to roll all this {the schedule, the fear, the to-do list, the expectations, the helplessness} onto His shoulders.
And my spiritual act of worship is to just let go. I can simply let Him do all my living, because:
"His divine power has given us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us..." -II Peter 1:3In The Ministry of Intercessory Prayer by Andrew Murray there is a powerful discussion of the difference between living under the law and living under grace. It is setting me free! Stay tuned for a printable when I have time to make it!!
But for now let me leave you with this short quote to whet your appetite:
"Grace undertakes to work our whole life in us, and actually give us the strength every moment for whatever the Father would have us be and do." -Andrew Murray
Linking up at the Grove
It'll be quiet around the blog, and this blog, facebook and twitter while I focus on Swahili. You'll still see me on instagram. Hopefully I'll be back in action in October!
Thank you for joining us at the Grove on Velvet Ashes. I love this: "I can simply let Him do all my living." Yes, yes, yes!
ReplyDeleteAHHH I have been grappling with this all summer. Grace. Living by grace is so easy to say, so easy to talk about, but to actually do it.... we need God's intervention. I am so glad He's been helping both you and me at it. :)
ReplyDeleteDeciding which things can be released... Yes! I definitely relate to that tension. So much to juggle. Someone this summer challenged me to replace the word "should" in my mind with the word "could." Because ultimately most of the things that I feel I SHOULD be doing are really just things I COULD do. This subtle shift in thinking is helping me walk freer. Here's to all of us finding our way in grace!
ReplyDeleteI have been feeling so overwhelmed here lately too. I feel like I am stuck in the in between space of where I am and where I want to be. I'm having trouble submitting to grace for fear that nothing will move forward. It's amazing how we can know the word and what is right and yet forsake it when we need it the most. Thank you for this reminder <3 Praying that God helps Swahili sink deep into your being! xoxo
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