Chasing the Light

the days are growing shorter. there is a chill in the air. the autumnal breeze makes the fallen leaves dance and swirl. and i slow to chase the light. 

caleb noticed that i have written at least one post a year since before he was born... he was reading my blog. and i looked at the "recent" posts, and they all shimmer with the golden glow of sunlight. whether it is twinkle lights or candlelight, sunrise or sunset... i've always been a light chaser. 

we have reached the twilight of 2025; 2026 is just waiting to dawn. i feel a restlessness, and perhaps hope, within me. i will graduate with my Masters of Mental Health Counseling in May. josh and i have big dreams of what comes next, and no solid plans. so we prepare our hearts for the advent season and hold this dream up to the light. 

if you are interested in holding this dream up to the light with us this advent, send us an email. we would love to share our hearts with you. we want to keep in step with the Spirit and not rush ahead of Him, nor lag behind. so we need a community of believers to listen with us. maybe i'll share advent thoughts as we listen together this year. 

Time is fleeting {a life update}

The morning sun filters through the trees and illuminate the dandelion whisps. The world comes to life as bird song floats on the breeze. Our puppy has me up and out early these days (yes! we got a golden retriever puppy in january. he's 8 months old now. stay tuned, i'm sure he will get his own post). And while my quiet time isn't so solitary anymore, I am forced to be more present. 

Our family is in transition yet again, though we are grateful we don't have to move this time! Transitions always make me more reflective, so I needed to write. Also, the world is absurd right now. An election year. An assasination attempt on a former president. My firstborn spending his summer working at Delanco Camp in New Jersey. A friend calling to tell me about a scary diagnosis. A couple new jobs. Starting my counseling practicum in the fall. It's a lot. 

My mind swirls... How is Caleb old enough to spend a summer away from us? How has our country gotten to the position we are in? How will all of my various roles and responsibilities fit together this year? How does God invite us to navigate suffering? And how exactly do we slow the onslaught of time? And then my mind returns to Ann Voskamp's words: 

“This, this is the only way to slow time: 
When I fully enter time’s swift current, enter into the current moment with the weight of all my attention, I slow the torrent with the weight of me all here. I can slow the torrent by being all here. I only live the full life when I live fully in the moment…. 
Weigh down this moment in time with full attention, and the whole of time’s river slows, slows, slows.” 

I slow time when I give this moment my full attention. I turn off auto-pilot. I put down my phone. I single-task, instead of multi-task. And 'Cease endlessly striving for what you would like to do and learn to love what must be done.' -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 

I long to live a quiet, ordinary one-piece-life. Where all the pieces are woven together. Where my spirituality and family, work and play are all intertwined. As we sit in ordinary time in the liturgical year, I am practicing gratitude for what has been given and all that lies ahead. It will be beautiful, even when it is hard, because God is a good Maker and a kind Father. 

Life Update: February 2021

The Hallahan's are moving to Kentucky! What's in Kentucky? Well, Wilmore to be precise. A tiny little town with a big global impact.  "Why does God move in the strangest places and through unimpressive people? He comes where He is wanted." And that is just what is happening with the Francis Asbury Society- they want Him! We have been invited to join the Francis Asbury Society (FAS) in discipling students at Asbury University and Asbury Theological Seminary, and coming alongside, encouraging and resourcing local churches and church leaders around the world. If you have known us long at all you know our hearts are glowing with this job description! Student ministry, preaching, small group discipleship, encouraging pastors, missionaries and believers was at the core of our ministry in Uganda and now we get to do it from Wilmore! One year ago God woke me up on a balmy Ugandan morning with four words echoing in my heart. "Fight for My Bride", He whispered. I thought He was talking about Africa Gospel Church. But as the entire global scene has shifted, our own personal world has been turned upside-down, and the Church in America sits in a precarious position His whisper is echoing even more loudly in my heart. He has brought missionaries back to America this year in droves and for a multitude of reasons and I believe His purposes are far grander than we've dared to imagine. We are so thankful for the ways you have carried us and cared for us as we've made the transition from Uganda. We could feel your prayers and the financial gifts God led some of you to send were so precious to us. We couldn't have made it without you. And His Bride needs you now- would you consider joining us in building His kingdom here in America and around the world?

Ways to Partner with Us Just like when we were missionaries abroad, we will need to raise up a support team: Pray- would you consider joining (or staying on) our prayer team? Give- we are starting from scratch raising a full support package. Click here to donate: Josh and Kelly Hallahan Choose our name from the "Fund Designation" drop down menu and then choose a dollar amount, and then decide whether that is a one time gift or a monthly/annual gift.  Let us know if you have any questions about that! Host a zoom call with your friends, small group, pastor or anyone who is passionate about building the kingdom!

2020 Book List

 

So I promised a book list from 2020. In one of the hardest years of my life these books were my wise, kind and faithful companions. 

First, always, the Bible. I lived in the Psalms this year as I learned what lament and worship looked like in a difficult season.

Then, some new authors I discovered this past year: KJ Ramsey, Aundi Kolber, Chuck DeGroat ($1.99) Gina Butz and Katherine May. These  authors helped me understand what it means to suffer (and how God longs to meet us in those deeps), how to embrace discomfort and make peace with change, how to be kind to myself on this healing journey and gave me a vision for wholeness, delight and wonder.

And a few faithful old friends I've read and re-read over the years: Hannah Hurnard ($1.99), Ann Voskamp, Lilias Trotter, Parker J Palmer, and  Andrew Murray (free!).

Finally, FICTION! I am not in a habit of reading fiction- but 2020 kindled a desire to get lost in an imaginary world. Helena Sorensen wrote a magnificent trilogy about a culture of people who lived in a land under a dark shadow. And yet a few of the main characters, that are viewed by their community as the crazy ones, believe there must be light somewhere beyond the shadow. It is a fairly dark book, but so rich and ignited a glimmer of hope last year. During lock-down in Uganda I decided to begin the Harry Potter series... yes, it was my first time and I read them at the request of our middle school boys. It was a treat to enter their world and learn to speak their language. On landing in America in June, my sister in law gifted me the Sensible Shoes series and I devoured them. A beautiful story of four unlikely friends, their spiritual journeys and a dose of counseling thrown in. It was life-giving. 

So, there is my book list from 2020. I am sure there were more- but these were the best. What did you read that you loved??

and yet...

house renovation josh's working on 

crumbling plaster. cracked wooden floors. weary muscles. sore hands. fall into bed bone weary. sleep. wake up to it all again. josh puts in 40 hours of hard labor (and keeps up with his seminary) and yet- this is the "for now provision", not a "forever solution".  

math. handwriting. making lunches. solving sibling squabbles and soothing raw emotions. menu planning. mountains of laundry. mine is a 24/7 job of motherhood and yet- they are here and they are ours....friends of ours are grieving the deepest loss imaginable, their son just 11 years old. and I just cook and pray, sweep and pray, wake in the night and pray that Jesus meets them and carries them and brings good out of such tragedy. 

I'm re-reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's been 10+ years since I read it last and I didn't quite need a theology of suffering then like I do now. And it is perfect. I'll do a 2020 book post next!

in these dark days of advent where loss is everywhere and holidays will not look the same as they used to, when I am so happy to be near family this year and missing our Uganda people and traditions (and weather, let's be honest) I need some anchors for my soul. our Jesse tree and advent wreath. our advent envelopes. lighting a candle each morning to be with Jesus. writing a gift list (not what I want... but what He has already given). and reading honest books. it's all so hard. there is so much grief and loss and suffering and political and racial tension and yet- these are the things giving me life right now. 

though wars rage and loved ones die, though we are grieving the loss of our life and ministry in Uganda and don't know where the Lord is leading us, yet we know He is here and we will rejoice that He is near to the broken-hearted.

what's been giving you life these days?

Be Held- the practice of lament

Most days I am fine. I can feed the kids, cope with life, make it to the end of the day in one piece. And then there are some days I feel like I'm suffocating- like it's all too much- stuck. Unfortunately, our culture encourages us to suck it up, to numb the pain, to put on a happy face. None of that serves us; it keeps us broken instead of inviting healing. 

So what do we do with the pain? How do we survive in this world full of suffering? K.J. Ramsey has been teaching me that the psalms are the prayer book of the people of God, and that in the psalms we find words to give voice to our deep grief. The jewish people were well acquainted with grief and suffering, which then gave birth the practice of lament. Ramsey writes:

"The psalms offer a conversational means of uniting mind and heart, honesty and truth, despair and hope, humans and their Maker. We struggle to dwell in the tension between our pain and our need to praise, but the psalms hold us in a conversational traction."

I love that imagery: conversational traction. I can picture myself in a hospital bed with my leg suspended from some contraption intended to hold me in the right position to heal properly. Let that sink in. And then we can make the shift in our minds from "I feel stuck" to "I'm in traction". That's powerful. 

The psalms of lament give us words when we feel speechless. It's like when my girls are spiraling out of control and losing their minds and I invite them to climb into my lap and I hold them till they are calm enough to tell me what's going on. And sometimes I have to help them find words for the big feelings inside them- they are still learning. So am I. And the psalms help me find words.  

"O God, You have cast us off; You have broken us down. You have been displeased; Oh, restore us again! You have made the earth tremble, You have broken it; heal its breaches for it is shaking. You have shown Your people hard things; You have made us drink the wine of confusion." -Psalm 60:1-3

I don't know about you- but my heart echoes these feelings sometimes! And it's only as we come to God with honesty, revealing our hurting hearts in transparency (and finding Him kind and trustworthy) that we find healing. One more Ramsey quote: 

"The psalms show us how to acknowledge our pain with honesty. They teach us to approach God from the place of being undone instead of the prison of pretending we are self-sufficient and invulnerable. And in expressing our spitting frustration, derelict desperation and arresting anguish, we mysteriously experience being heard. Relating to God as needy, moody, exhausted children forms hope, praise and trust. Without vulnerability, the truth that God's love is steadfast remains abstract. Tears, groans, and sighs create the relational atmosphere where we can allow God to parent us. Weakness acknowledged and expressed forms trust." -K.J. Ramsey, This Too Shall Last

Just this week I found myself suffocating and stuck again. Thankfully, Josh whisked the kids off to the park so I could fall apart. So I wrapped myself in my Ugandan kikoy, climbed into the Father's lap and wept. I listened to Christy Nockels album: Be Held and it was just the thing I needed. In pouring out my heart to God, knowing my feelings were welcome, seen and cared for, I was able to take one more step towards wholeness. He is so gentle and kind. It's my prayer that you would find some time to do the same. We are all walking through a lot of loss and grief is a natural response. So let's turn to the psalms and find our way to the Father's heart where we can be held.

For more information on lament check out:

• podcast with Jonathan Trotter: Grief, Lament and the Psalms. 
• blog post by Mark Vroegop on the structure of lament- a how to

{Hesed} love

I want to share this morning a word that has become so precious to me in this season. I don’t know about you- but the past 5 months have been some of the hardest months I’ve ever faced. Not only are we dealing with a global pandemic, and racial tensions, but in the middle of all of that my family relocated back to New Jersey unexpectedly. We are still WGM missionaries, and are seeking the Lord for what He may be calling us to next. I read recently in the Titus Women’s Minsitry e-news an incredible call to prayer because many missionaries have returned to the USA this year unexpectedly and for various reasons- it feels as though God is amassing a huge missionary force here in America and I’m curious to see His purposes in these days! All that to say- these have been days of global grief and massive stress and anxiety, and as we look to the Psalms we see a word we can grasp hold of that may be just the anchor we need in this storm. 

 The Hebrew word hesed occurs 246 times in the OT. I heard Dr. John Oswalt teach on it last summer, and it has come to life this year for me. Some English translations use “kindness” “mercy” “steadfast love” “lovingkindness” “favor” “unfailing love” “devotion” but none of these are sufficient by themselves. It is a deep, rich word that doesn’t have a single, perfect translation in English.  A couple more definitions “faithful love in action” and “undeserved love from a superior to an inferior” “unmerited kindness that seeks to actively intervene to help a loved one”. 

Ralph Davis says, “The order is: love gives itself, in covenant, and gladly promises devoted love in that covenant; the covenant partner then rests in the security of that promise and may appeal to it.” Think of a faithful marriage, and a parent-child relationship all rolled into one (but don’t take this too far it gets weird). Or even faithful marriage and master and servant combined. The idea is God has pledged Himself to us in faithful love, but He is also in authority over us- He owes us nothing. Michael Card translated hesed as “when the person from whom I have a right to expect nothing gives me everything.”

Understanding this word is not just important to us because it appears well over 100 times in the Psalms. This word is important because it is one of the words God uses to describe himself, as in Exodus 34:6-7, when he says to Moses, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in hesed and faithfulness, maintaining hesed to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.” 

These have been the hardest days I have ever walked through. We hadn’t planned on being back in the USA indefinitely. Saying goodbye to the only life our little family has known was painful. And then comes the memory of this little five letter word “hesed”.  So I had to dig into why this word was so important.

 

Adrian Van Breda helped me understand “God’s hesed is experienced particularly when we are in the midst of adversity. Psalm 94:18 says, “When I said, My foot is slipping, Your hesed love, O Lord, supported me.” The sense here is that God’s hesed is grasped at while we are still in the adversity. Hesed does not necessarily remove the adversity or even the distress and anxiety that adversity evokes. Within each situation we have to seek out again God’s hesed and rediscover what it means to be loved while we struggle with life. Hesed becomes a lifeline or an anchor onto which we hold for dear life. While we struggle, someone may reassure us that God loves us, but actually that knowledge is something we have to find for ourselves.” 

 

I needed to not only know God loved me in this season- I needed to experience it. I experienced His hesed when Josh collected letters from people who love me for my birthday. I received His hesed when my brother drove to DC to pick us up from the airport, and when we arrived at an empty parsonage gifted to us from a church to quarantine in. I saw His love in action when people delivered meals to us while we were in quarantine. And I sensed His hesed every morning when I sat on the deck as the sun warmed my face and I spent time with the Lord. 

 

Psalm 103 gives us a beautiful illustration of hesed: “Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me; bless His holy name (can I pause here and say that bringing our whole selves- not just the pretty bits- but the hurt, the worry, the delight, the wonder is what blesses the Lord but that is another topic for another day)! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord executes righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed, He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the children of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy {hesed}. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy {hesed} toward those who fear Him… “ 

 

Now what? How will I live differently because of God’s hesed towards me this week??

 

“I will give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His hesed endures forever” –Psalm 136:1

            Make a list of His love notes, His hesed towards you- every day!

 

I will remember the times He showed hesed towards me, unlike the Israelites “they did not remember the multitude of Your hesed but rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.” –Psalm 106:7

Could you write a timeline of the ways God intervened in your life and saved you or rescued you or people you love? I can’t wait to get to heaven and find out all the things He rescued me from that I had no idea were about to happen!

 

I will call out to God in my distress “But You, O God the Lord, deal with me for Your name’s sake; because Your hesed is good, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded with me… Help me, O Lord my God! Oh, save me according to Your hesed, that they may know that this is Your hand- that You, Lord have done it!” –Psalm 109:21-22, 26

Our lives don’t just become rosy and easy when we walk with the Lord- His hesed isn’t a magic wand to wave over our lives. However- I have found that His hesed shines on our darkest days. Because it is a covenant term, He has promised never to leave us or forsake us, He has chosen us as His people, His reputation is on the line- we can call out to Him and appeal to His hesed and trust Him to come through for us.

 

I will share my story with someone. “Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His hesed endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so…” –Psalm 107:1-2

Could you share your testimony with someone who needs to hear it this week? Or share how God has met a need in your life recently with someone feeling hopeless?

 

I will be glad. “Oh, satisfy us early with Your hesed, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days! And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us. And establish the work of our hands for us, yes, establish the works of our hands.” –Psalm 90:14, 17

It’s easy to complain these days. This is not the story I would have written for 2020. But I can be glad- because He is my God. I can choose to start my day with Him- let Him fill and satisfy me and I won’t be looking for the world, or my circumstances or other people to satisfy me. He will satisfy my deepest needs as I meet with Him and I can be glad. And then I walk away from that time looking more like Him because Jesus Himself has filled me and is living His life in me- extending hesed love, faithfulness, kindness, mercy, compassion to those around me! When God’s people know they are loved- He is able to use them to love the world around them!

End of an Era

The world is in a state of chaos and uncertainty- challenging everything we have clung to for stability. COVID-19 has brought many communities around the world to their knees. We feel the weight here in Uganda as well. In addition to the weight of a global pandemic, just before Easter this year we were informed by WGM Uganda leadership that this would be our final term with WGM Uganda.

This chapter of our lives in Uganda has been one of the sweetest and one of the hardest. We have seen God draw our children closer to Himself. Our marriage has withstood the challenges of cross-cultural ministry and only gotten stronger. Students at Heritage are walking closer to Jesus, asking great questions, and giving testimony to His work in their lives. Our home fellowship is flourishing even during this quarantine (mostly on WhatsApp right now). Watching our home fellowship leadership team step into more responsibility and take ownership has been beautiful. We strongly believe God isn’t done with this home fellowship and can’t wait to see how He uses these men and women. 

There are many questions.  There are even more unknowns.  But through all of this, we know that God is still good, and God is certainly not done with us yet.  Once we return to the states, we will begin exploring with WGM leadership and seeking the Lord as to what our next assignment might be.  Right now, we are focusing on leaving Uganda well, saying necessary goodbyes, and leaning on His strength to do so during a global pandemic. We currently have flights scheduled for June 2nd; however, our airline has canceled all flights through May 31st.  We have no way of knowing if we will be able to leave on June 2nd or whether that will be pushed to a future date. Would you pray over that? Once we are able to return to New Jersey, we will begin the healing process needed after this sudden change and begin looking at what could be next.  We appreciate your prayers over us, continued financial support, and patience as we wait on God to reveal our next steps. 

We as a family are finding a lot of comfort in the story of Abraham these days.  During our family home church, we have begun walking through Abraham’s journey.  In Genesis 12 we read of God’s call to Abram to “Go…to the land I will show you.”  Abram obeyed God and left behind everything he knew, everything that gave him an identity, and trusted God to lead him.  Our family feels a lot like Abram.  While we may be returning to our “father’s land” in New Jersey as our next step, we don’t know how long that will be or what ministry will look like a year from now. But God knows and we can trust Him.  Thank you for standing with us for 9 years of fruitful ministry here in Uganda.  This is not the ending we would have written, but we are grateful for the privilege of being part of God’s work here in Uganda. We trust God to continue what He started, both here in Uganda and within our family.

up to my neck...

dirt. pounding hammers. mess. the hum of a saw. a construction site is a hive of activity. the organized chaos overwhelms my senses.  especially when school starts in less than two weeks. this is the Early Years building that will house our youngest students this year!

this summer has been a slow simmer. we've had a few friends to play with. some activities planned, but no travel. lots of downtime. and the countless days of life on life- humanity scraping against humanity- have worn me down.

I am excited about the new school year- we've already fed some new teachers and we are going to be hosting one for the first month of school. I've got talks to plan, devotions to prepare, Sabbath stations to set up for retreat, dinners to cook, and very little margin left to work with- because I've spent so much time and energy meeting my kids' social needs this summer.

that sneaking feeling of overwhelm begins to rise in my chest. as I look at my to do list and compare it to the hours available in a given day... the columns don't balance. I'm up to my neck. and I take a deep breath.

O N E. This is my year of one. I can only love one person at a time. I can truly do only one thing at a time. Just the next right thing. It takes some pressure off. And then I realize He can show me which next thing- it is deeper relief still.

I haven't really been abiding well lately. I haven't strayed- I've just been depriving myself of all the power I have access to on the daily. "One thing is necessary, Mary has chosen that good part..." I've been walking in my own strength, missing that one thing. and it's catching up with me. so instead of writing a talk on Spiritual Health tonight- I'm gonna do my own diagnosis- take my own medicine and pray He uses me tomorrow.

How are you feeling at the start of a fresh school year?

Quietly...

As the thunder rolls in the distance and the clouds gather over the city... I'm peeking back into this space- it's been long- and I've missed it.

we have traversed a season of quiet brokenness and of healing, of grieving and of growing and I am looking around this online space feeling almost like a stranger. I read back on old posts and I am stunned by my own thoughts (for good or ill). Some posts are hitting me profoundly. Others make me shake my head and wonder who that person is.

Also, I'm not quite sure how the landscape of the blogosphere has changed while I've been away. I don't know if I can or want to try and keep up. Do I still fit in this space? Are blogs even a thing anymore?

I know that I am different. I also know I still have much to say. But there isn't this urge to be heard. Or this pressure to produce. It's more like a home-sickness. Like a wistful glance at an old photo of a sweet time and place I'll never get back.

The Lord has brought us through a difficult season and the answers don't come as easy as they used to. But even though I've been quiet here on the blog He hasn't stopped speaking. He has been meeting me and filling me... So as I think about returning to this space, I'm pretty sure it's more for me than for you. But I would love to have some traveling companions.

Staying {here}

Farewell to Silja (far left)

Transition. It never gets easier. And it doesn't necessarily have to be you who is leaving in order to feel the effects of transition. Two families on our team are heading back to the states for 6 months, and four families will be arriving/returning in the next two months. We are one of two families on our team who are staying through this summer without getting on an airplane!

Staying means we get to welcome. But staying also means we have to say goodbye.

We just had a farewell brunch for a friend from my Friday Bible study. We have had those moments of exchanging gifts, speaking truth into one another's lives, affirming what God did in our friendship, hugging and praying over her. It has been bittersweet. And as I reflect on the 9 months I've known her, I see God's goodness in bringing the friends I need at just the right time. He knew I would need Silja just as much as she needed me. And He knit our hearts together bit by bit every Friday as we opened the Word and prayed. And now I know if I ever need a place to sleep in Finland I've got one.

Friendship as a missionary is tricky, and hard, and painful. But it is also necessary and beautiful. I need local friends, I need friends back home and I need other expat friends. My life is richer and more beautiful because of these relationships and each one adds a unique dimension to my life. My rag garland (pictured left) is a daily reminder of friends I've said goodbye to, but who have added so much beauty to my life. And as I stay the garland will only get prettier!

Sometimes staying means doing the hard work of building community, even when you would rather curl up in a blanket and read a book. Sometimes staying means saying the hard goodbyes. And sometimes staying means being the welcoming committee (which is, by far, my favorite!).  It is my prayer that I {we} would never grow weary in doing the good work of building relationships, just because it's hard and the goodbyes are painful. I want a tender heart that that loves the people He has placed in my path- whether they are here a week or stay forever.

Sometimes I'm the leaver. Sometimes I'm the stayer. So grateful for the One Who never moves. Watch this.

Linking up at the Grove on the topic of "staying".

Settle Your Heart

We are right in the middle of settling in.  One half of our bedroom is {un}settled, and the other half is settled.  We still need a bookshelf made to house all our extra supplies... but there are some surfaces that look exactly the way I want them.  The furniture wish-list is long, but the budget is short.  We have enough to survive, just not everything I want.  

I love setting up our home.  I enjoy the decorating and the organizing.  I like finding just the right spot for everything.  This is our first four-year term, and it's just the beginning.  I have time to make this house just what I want it to be.  But as we settle in there is this {un}settling thought that whispers in the back of my mind:

"You do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away... -James 4:14

Ugh.  This world is passing away.  As much as I enjoy making our house a home, this world isn't my home.  

"{They}... confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.  For those who say such things declare plainly that they seek a homeland.  And truly if they had called to mind the country from which they had come out, they would have had opportunity to return.  But now they desire a better, that is, a heavenly country.  Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them." -Hebrews 11:13-16 

{by the way if you haven't heard this song by Tenth Avenue North, do yourself a favor and go listen right now! It's on repeat here today}

And so, like Abraham, I must dwell in the land of promise as in a foreign country {thankfully not hard to do when you are actually dwelling in a foreign country}, dwelling in tents... for I am waiting for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God.  {Hebrews 11:9-10}

This letter, James, written to the twelve tribes scattered abroad speaks volumes to us global ones scattered around the world. Such sage advice: "Don't get too settled. Your life is merely a vapor, here today, gone tomorrow..." But..."establish {settle} your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand!" {James 5:8}

Settle my heart in Him.  As I settle in here in Uganda, I am so grateful for a forever home in His heart.  I plan on being in Uganda longer than this four-year term, but I can't know that for sure.  All I can do is put down deep heart roots in Him, so I keep thriving wherever He leads me.  And, for now, it is here.

Is there something in your life that just isn't what you wish it was- use it as an exercise in longing for your True Home.  kinda like the past 12 hours without electricity? or the unsafe roads? yeah, getting lots of practice!

**linking up today at velvetashes.com for The Grove**

Are you feeling settled or unsettled lately? 

Culture Shock: It's What's for Breakfast {with recipe and links}

When you go to the grocery store in Uganda and all these options unfold before you.... you think you've landed in the Promised Land... until you read the price tag.  $6 for the tiniest box.  And almost $10 for the big box.  Grateful we can get them. But inspired to find other breakfast alternatives for the everyday nosh.

A chapati (indian flatbread common in Kampala), slathered with peanut butter and wrapped around a banana.  Or a rolex (not the watch, and not bought on the street corner, but homemade): a chapati or tortilla wrap with scrambled egg, onion and tomato.  Eggs. Pancakes made from DIY bisquick (keep leftover pancakes in the freezer to reheat for an easy breakfast) {see below}. Homemade granola bars.  Pumpkin scones. Homemade Lara bars. On Christmas morning, my mom's cinnamon rolls are a must. Muffins of all sorts.  Pumpkin baked oatmeal muffins.  Green smoothies. Banana Muffins.  {see below}

Another thing I forgot about while we were in the U.S. was the ants!  My heavens- the ants!  An effective solution: make a simple syrup 1 part water + 1 part sugar, cook in a saucepan until dissolved.  Add borax (yes, you can get it at Shoprite in Kampala).  Soak some cotton balls in the solution and put them where you see ants most frequently (overnight so kids don't mess with them).  As the ants feast on the sugar water laced with borax, they will carry it home to the queen, and hopefully your situation will improve.

Having a baby here this term, we've found some parenting style differences.  And no, when it's 65 F... my baby will not be wearing a parka, and seven blankets.

DIY Bisquick
from the Newcomer's Guide to Cooking in Africa

9 cups flour
1/3 cup baking powder
1T salt
2 tsp cream of tartar
1/4 cup sugar
2 cups shortening (Crisco in the U.S., Kimbo in Uganda)

Mix dry ingredients.  Work the shortening into the mix until crumbly.

To make pancakes use 3 cups DIY Bisquick, 1 1/2 cups milk and 1 egg.

To make biscuits use 2 cups DIY Bisquick, and 2/3 cup milk.  Drop onto cooking sheet. Bake 10 minutes at 450F

Banana Muffins

1 1/2 cup flour (can mix whole wheat and all purpose)
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
3/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg

3 large bananas, mashed
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg
1/3 cup oil

Mix dry ingredients.  Add wet ingredients. Combine until moist. Spoon into muffin tins. Bake at 375F for 15-20 minutes.

What do you eat for breakfast??

Goodbye {at the Grove}

Just three weeks in to our second term and the goodbyes are still fresh in our minds.  The grief still raw.  That hug from my dad as he whispers "i hate this".  The sight of my family waving from the porch of the house I knew as my Mommom Rambo's... and my kids know as Grandma Laurie's...  A kiss on the forehead of my one-year old niece who will only remember me as a face on the computer screen.  It. is. so. hard.

And yet, there are all these other things we say goodbye to as we move to a foreign country.  Things we may not realize we needed to say goodbye to- and things we must take time to grieve- so that we can move forward in health.  Here a few that come to mind {please add your thoughts and additions in the comments} in no particular order:

• TV channels.
• meetings starting on time
• privacy
• feeling capable (i.e. knowing how to do simple things like how to set up my phone and have service, or how to buy cornstarch)
• everyone understanding my American-English
• ease of driving
• sidewalks
• free public parks
• being anonymous (i.e. not being stared at)
• convenience foods (i.e. not making everything from scratch, even cream of something soup to add to a casserole)
• one stop shopping
• consistent electricity and internet
• wearing shorts in public
• not having to do time zone math before I text a friend
• sleeping without a mosquito net

I'm sure there are many more.  I'm sure there are deeper ones I haven't processed yet.  But He is worth it all. this is on repeat.

Sent and Supported

We have been in Uganda for almost two weeks. In many ways we feel like we are home and have never left (besides the presence of our trunks begging to be emptied and put away). Despite feeling comfortable and “at home” there is still something that feels out of place or, for lack of a better word, different. That’s you!

During our year in the US we spent a lot of time praying for a solid team to develop around us. A team that would embrace this ministry we are called to and send us back with their support. We met a lot of people and saw many “get it” and grow very excited about being a part of what God is doing in Uganda. Now we are 6,000 miles apart and we miss you already. What we miss is your physical presence or at least knowing that you are within driving distance from us. We are now an ocean apart and we feel that distance. That being said- you have sent us and we still feel your support and prayers alongside us.

In Philippians 4 Paul is thanking the members of the church in Phillipi and he tells them in vs. 14 “Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles.” Our team has shared in our troubles for sure. A week never went by towards the end of our Homeland Assignment without an email, phone call or conversation about how things were going and letting us know that someone was praying for us. Many of you really began championing this ministry in your realm of influence and working hard to get us back. Thank you! It was good of you to share in our troubles. 

Then in vs. 17 Paul tells the church, “Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account.” It may not make much sense but in reality we were not looking for financial support while we were in the states and sharing in your churches. Yes, we let you know of the need and asked you to consider. Yes, we absolutely needed financial gifts in order to get back, but all along we knew God was going to provide and use many of you to do just that. What we have been looking for all along in you, our champions, was growth in your missions journey. We praise God that we have seen that growth in you and we hope and pray that you have seen it in us. We pray we continue to grow together in our participation in Gods work here in Uganda and around the world. 

We miss you and will miss you during these 4 years. However, you SENT us and we are so grateful for that. Though we do feel at home now and love the life Jesus has called us to here in Uganda. We feel at peace in this place and in this work. We look forward to continuing to grow together in our mission and watching God work through us all. Please keep in touch, keep praying and come on over any time! Know that you are in our prayers as well! -Josh

Helping your Family Make the Transition

"...Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.

Be joyful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.

...May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together—spirit, soul, and body—and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ. The One who called you is completely dependable. If he said it, he’ll do it!"  -I Thessalonians 5:13-18, 23-24 The Message

here. settling in.

it's 3pm on a Friday afternoon... and all is peace and calm... it's actually a little creepy.

Elizabeth has had two good naps today.  The boys have occupied themselves.  We had a friend over- so sweet to meet in real life instead of on facebook.  I baked cinnamon toast cake and baked oatmeal (so we actually have some type of breakfast here tomorrow).  I made dinner in my own kitchen last night.  we slept.

I think we're finally settling in.  and it feels good.

Sadly, there were some things I failed to pack, that seriously were at the house and just didn't make it in the suitcase.  Like peppermint extract.  You know how Christmas looks desperate around here if I don't have my peppermint!  And my oven thermometer.  fail.

But other things did make it that already have it feeling like home: stainless steel french press (gotta have coffee even if you don't have power!), my command center calendar (seen here), my Willow Tree figures, my happy yellow flowers... and much more.

If you are planning to move overseas, let me encourage you to find any Facebook groups for expats in your area- we have already bought a bookcase, a pack n play, an entry table, and a chair from people in Kampala just through these type of groups!

What To Do In the Middle of Chaos

Colossians has been a life-line for me in the past week as it brought me face to face with Jesus, the One and Only, the First and the Head!  He has been meeting me, as I know He has been meeting you.  He is truly enough in every circumstance we may find ourselves. As we review Colossians today, here are a few things to do when you’re in the middle of chaos:

Have faith in Him- As I read in the Amplified version, I found this beautiful definition of faith: the leaning of your entire human personality on Him in absolute trust and confidence in His power, wisdom, and goodness (Colossians 1:4 Amplified).  When you don’t know what to do or how you’re going to make it through just lean everything you are on Him!

Give thanks- No matter how bad your circumstance may be, there are always reasons to give thanks.  Paul rejoiced in his suffering for the gospel.  He challenged us to give thanks in everything we do.  We can always give thanks because He has made us heirs with Christ, and has rescued us from the dominion of darkness (Colossians 1:12-13)!  Giving thanks is a practical way to set our minds on things above, not on earthly things (Colossians 3:2 NKJV).

Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly- as busy as these days have been for me, I am so grateful for this Soaking in the Son challenge.  It has placed me right where I need to be- in the Word!  As we seek Him in His Word, He can shift our perspective and give us a truth lens with which to view the chaos!  I love how it sounds in the Amplified version: Let the word [spoken by] Christ (the Messiah) have its home [in your hearts and minds] and dwell in you in [all its] richness (Colossians 3:16 Amplified).

Continue earnestly in prayer… meanwhile praying also for us- Not only should we ask for God’s help in our own chaos, but one of the most helpful ways to survive the chaos is to look outside of yourself and pray for others!  Allow me to pray for you the beautiful prayer of Colossians: I ask, Father, that each reader would be filled with the knowledge of Your will in all wisdom and understanding; that she may walk worthy of You, fully pleasing You, being fruitful in every good work, and increasing in her knowledge of You; strengthened with all might, according to Your glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; and may she give thanks to You always (Colossians 1:9-12 NKJV). Thank you for rescuing us, for loving us, and for holding all things together (Colossians 1:17 NIV).  In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen
 
Extra Challenge-  As you devote yourselves to prayer,  please pray for us, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ… Pray that we may proclaim it clearly; that we may be wise in our interactions with others; making the most of every opportunity (Colossians 4: 2-6 paraphrased).  As you are led, please pray also for our extended family as they experience the paradox of transition: joy in their service to Jesus and grief in the long separation.   

Here.

at the airport checking in

We are exhausted. And relieved. God has faithfully carried us to our home in Uganda.  All the work of the past year has paid off.  And we are here.

I can't wait to see how my One Word {here} will unfold and inspire me on this side of the ocean.

The kids all did great on the flights.  There was never a moment when we couldn't distract Elizabeth from launching into a full-blown meltdown.  She slept snug in the sling, so I even caught some rest without worrying that I would drop her.  The boys watched a million movies.  During our six-hour layover in London we busted out the Legos and the boys played happily, found the play place in Terminal 5 (near Gate A6 if you need to know~ also, bring socks for your kiddos in your carry-on so you don't have to "borrow" socks. gross. lesson learned), and Caleb finally slept.  Flight 2 was fine as well.  And all our luggage arrived in Entebbe!  We are so grateful.

Some things I'm thankful for right here:

here.

driving on the left side of the road.
scent of smoke lingering on the air
walking into my own home
a cool breeze rustling the curtain
hearing the birds outside my window
East African coffee, brewed in our french press
because the power was out.
warm welcome. big smiles shining from dark faces
baby taken up into the arms of our night guard.
she didn't cry.
the sunset over this city.
6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. miracle.
bouncy play gym. given by sweet friends.
boys happily reunited with toys

Preparing To Return

The question we hear a lot is "How do you pack for four years?"-and I will be the first to say, "You don't".  Our strategy is pack the things we love, that make it feel like home, and bring enough supplies to last until we can find a suitable replacement in Uganda.

One of our seasoned colleagues has been known to say "Let us know if you need anything... and we'll tell you how to survive without it."

We've already done our first term, so we know we can find shampoo, tooth paste, soy milk, cloth diapers, coffee (but not decaf), children's tylenol (but not oragel), etc...

Something that I've found helpful coming and going is my Expat Packing Planner {free download here}.  I'm a list girl.  When my brain is swirling in a million directions, I need a place to write all the things.  The Expat Packing Planner has space to organize your thoughts and be your brain on paper!

Step 1: Sort by like items

Something else that helps us (a trick we wouldn't have thought of before we left) is the two step packing process.  In our basement, we lined one room with all our action packers, and assigned each bin with a person/room- my bin, boys' bin, kitchen bin, food bin, etc. Then we filled each bin accordingly.  Sadly, this is only Step 1.  If you were to fly with the action packers sorted like this, and lost one person's things that would probably be the end of the world.

Here's where step two comes in.  Empty a few bins at a time and re-pack a variety of items (the more variety the better)!  A layer of books, then bulky items, small items, then pad with clothing.  Keep a running list that you can print, and have on the other side, so when you arrive at midnight you know where the boys' blankets are (not that we know anything about that).  Weigh.  And adjust to 49.9lbs.

**Warning** Step 2 looks like chaos.  Trust the process. You will get there!  

Step 2: Re-pack a variety of items  CHAOS

Stay tuned on Monday for a timely reminder from Colossians: What To Do in the Middle of Chaos.

Linking up with the Grove (if we have internet when we get to Uganda Friday) on the topic of "Prepare".