{Hesed} love

I want to share this morning a word that has become so precious to me in this season. I don’t know about you- but the past 5 months have been some of the hardest months I’ve ever faced. Not only are we dealing with a global pandemic, and racial tensions, but in the middle of all of that my family relocated back to New Jersey unexpectedly. We are still WGM missionaries, and are seeking the Lord for what He may be calling us to next. I read recently in the Titus Women’s Minsitry e-news an incredible call to prayer because many missionaries have returned to the USA this year unexpectedly and for various reasons- it feels as though God is amassing a huge missionary force here in America and I’m curious to see His purposes in these days! All that to say- these have been days of global grief and massive stress and anxiety, and as we look to the Psalms we see a word we can grasp hold of that may be just the anchor we need in this storm. 

 The Hebrew word hesed occurs 246 times in the OT. I heard Dr. John Oswalt teach on it last summer, and it has come to life this year for me. Some English translations use “kindness” “mercy” “steadfast love” “lovingkindness” “favor” “unfailing love” “devotion” but none of these are sufficient by themselves. It is a deep, rich word that doesn’t have a single, perfect translation in English.  A couple more definitions “faithful love in action” and “undeserved love from a superior to an inferior” “unmerited kindness that seeks to actively intervene to help a loved one”. 

Ralph Davis says, “The order is: love gives itself, in covenant, and gladly promises devoted love in that covenant; the covenant partner then rests in the security of that promise and may appeal to it.” Think of a faithful marriage, and a parent-child relationship all rolled into one (but don’t take this too far it gets weird). Or even faithful marriage and master and servant combined. The idea is God has pledged Himself to us in faithful love, but He is also in authority over us- He owes us nothing. Michael Card translated hesed as “when the person from whom I have a right to expect nothing gives me everything.”

Understanding this word is not just important to us because it appears well over 100 times in the Psalms. This word is important because it is one of the words God uses to describe himself, as in Exodus 34:6-7, when he says to Moses, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in hesed and faithfulness, maintaining hesed to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.” 

These have been the hardest days I have ever walked through. We hadn’t planned on being back in the USA indefinitely. Saying goodbye to the only life our little family has known was painful. And then comes the memory of this little five letter word “hesed”.  So I had to dig into why this word was so important.

 

Adrian Van Breda helped me understand “God’s hesed is experienced particularly when we are in the midst of adversity. Psalm 94:18 says, “When I said, My foot is slipping, Your hesed love, O Lord, supported me.” The sense here is that God’s hesed is grasped at while we are still in the adversity. Hesed does not necessarily remove the adversity or even the distress and anxiety that adversity evokes. Within each situation we have to seek out again God’s hesed and rediscover what it means to be loved while we struggle with life. Hesed becomes a lifeline or an anchor onto which we hold for dear life. While we struggle, someone may reassure us that God loves us, but actually that knowledge is something we have to find for ourselves.” 

 

I needed to not only know God loved me in this season- I needed to experience it. I experienced His hesed when Josh collected letters from people who love me for my birthday. I received His hesed when my brother drove to DC to pick us up from the airport, and when we arrived at an empty parsonage gifted to us from a church to quarantine in. I saw His love in action when people delivered meals to us while we were in quarantine. And I sensed His hesed every morning when I sat on the deck as the sun warmed my face and I spent time with the Lord. 

 

Psalm 103 gives us a beautiful illustration of hesed: “Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me; bless His holy name (can I pause here and say that bringing our whole selves- not just the pretty bits- but the hurt, the worry, the delight, the wonder is what blesses the Lord but that is another topic for another day)! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord executes righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed, He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the children of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy {hesed}. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy {hesed} toward those who fear Him… “ 

 

Now what? How will I live differently because of God’s hesed towards me this week??

 

“I will give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His hesed endures forever” –Psalm 136:1

            Make a list of His love notes, His hesed towards you- every day!

 

I will remember the times He showed hesed towards me, unlike the Israelites “they did not remember the multitude of Your hesed but rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.” –Psalm 106:7

Could you write a timeline of the ways God intervened in your life and saved you or rescued you or people you love? I can’t wait to get to heaven and find out all the things He rescued me from that I had no idea were about to happen!

 

I will call out to God in my distress “But You, O God the Lord, deal with me for Your name’s sake; because Your hesed is good, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded with me… Help me, O Lord my God! Oh, save me according to Your hesed, that they may know that this is Your hand- that You, Lord have done it!” –Psalm 109:21-22, 26

Our lives don’t just become rosy and easy when we walk with the Lord- His hesed isn’t a magic wand to wave over our lives. However- I have found that His hesed shines on our darkest days. Because it is a covenant term, He has promised never to leave us or forsake us, He has chosen us as His people, His reputation is on the line- we can call out to Him and appeal to His hesed and trust Him to come through for us.

 

I will share my story with someone. “Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His hesed endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so…” –Psalm 107:1-2

Could you share your testimony with someone who needs to hear it this week? Or share how God has met a need in your life recently with someone feeling hopeless?

 

I will be glad. “Oh, satisfy us early with Your hesed, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days! And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us. And establish the work of our hands for us, yes, establish the works of our hands.” –Psalm 90:14, 17

It’s easy to complain these days. This is not the story I would have written for 2020. But I can be glad- because He is my God. I can choose to start my day with Him- let Him fill and satisfy me and I won’t be looking for the world, or my circumstances or other people to satisfy me. He will satisfy my deepest needs as I meet with Him and I can be glad. And then I walk away from that time looking more like Him because Jesus Himself has filled me and is living His life in me- extending hesed love, faithfulness, kindness, mercy, compassion to those around me! When God’s people know they are loved- He is able to use them to love the world around them!

a slow thaw

the broken way: this book has been my journey companion as we have returned to the states broken and weary.

we have just returned from our renewal and growth program and i've barely begun to process all Jesus has been doing in my heart. but my words are returning to me. my desire to get out and snap photos is coming back. i'm coming back to life! like a slow thaw... and it's good. i want to lean in and keep doing the work. i want all that He has for me. i want to be a comforting journey-mate to those who are broken.

stay tuned to this space as i keep processing.

Into the Desert

"living, rather than preaching, the presence of Christ in the world" -Charles de Foucald

"...their life is more or less hidden from the world..."

"It is inseparable in so many respects from that of their neighbors; but the life of prayer and devotion finds practical expression in their availability and hospitality to others..."

"The search for God- and God alone..."

these are the words that are guiding me as I ask God what He wants of me this lent.

After the winter holidays, festivity and feasting what my soul needs is fasting. And I could not be more excited about the book that will guide me this year. The Desert. I have always loved the wisdom of the desert fathers. This book is speaking my heart language.

And my word for the year, lean in, is also guiding my lenten practices. I am leaning out of facebook, so I can lean in to the relationships around me. I am leaning into the hiddenness of this season. I am not just seeking God in solitude, but also in availability and hospitality to others. I am leaning in to small, everyday moments via my instagram: #monochromaticlent. My goal this lenten season isn't to give up all kinds of crazy things, but to truly and intentionally live out my highest priorities on a daily basis.

He still comes...

"Sing and rejoice, O daughter of Zion! For behold, I am coming and I will dwell in your midst" says the Lord. Many nations shall be joined to the Lord in that day, and they shall become My people. And I will dwell in your midst. Then you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent Me to you. And the Lord will take possession of Judah as His inheritance in the Holy Land and will again choose Jerusalem. Be silent, all flesh, before the Lord..." -Zechariah 2:10-13

He came and still comes and will come again. To us. In the midst of our mess. So grateful for an oasis of calm in the middle of a beautiful, busy season. This is the heart of Advent.



First Coming
by Madeleine L’Engle

He did not wait till the world was ready,
till men and nations were at peace.
He came when the Heavens were unsteady,
and prisoners cried out for release.

He did not wait for the perfect time.
He came when the need was deep and great.
He dined with sinners in all their grime,
turned water into wine. He did not wait

till hearts were pure. In joy he came
to a tarnished world of sin and doubt.
To a world like ours, of anguished shame
he came, and his Light would not go out.

He came to a world which did not mesh,
to heal its tangles, shield its scorn.
In the mystery of the Word made Flesh
the Maker of the stars was born.

We cannot wait till the world is sane
to raise our songs with joyful voice,
for to share our grief, to touch our pain,
He came with Love: Rejoice! Rejoice!

Hope is seeking...

"We may at times be able to show the world Christ in moments when all can clearly discern in history, some confirmation of the Christian message. But the fact remains that our task is to seek and find Christ in our world as it is, and not as it might be. 

The fact that the world is other than it might be does not alter the truth that Christ is present in it and that His plan has been neither frustrated nor changed: indeed, all will be done according to His will. 

Our Advent is a celebration of this hope."            -Thomas Merton

This quote has been percolating in my soul this advent, and I am praying not only to believe it but to live it. 

linking up at the grove for the first time in awhile. this week's word is: seek.

Lent: A Path through the Chaos

These are the words that are percolating in my heart as I prepare for Lent 2015: 

"Jan Richardson writing in her post, The Artful Ashes, shares what she discovered when she undertook a project where she learned to draw in charcoal: 'Taking up a new medium, entering a different way of working, diving or tiptoeing into a new approach: all of this can be complex, unsettling, disorienting. Launching into the unknown and untried confronts us with what is undeveloped within us. It compels us to see where we are not adept, where we still lack skill, where we possess little gracefulness. Yet what may seem like inadequacy-as I felt in my early attempts with charcoal- becomes fantastic fodder for the creative process, and for life. Allowing ourselves to be present to the messiness provides an amazing way to sort through what is essential and to clear a path through the chaos. 

(The Ashes) beckon us to consider what is most basic to us, what is elemental, what survives after all that is extraneous is burned away. With its images of ashes and wildness, Lent challenges us to reflect on what we have filled our lives with, and to see if there are habits, practices, possessions, and ways of being that have accumulated, encroached, invaded, accreted, layer upon layer, becoming a pattern of chaos that threatens to insulate us and dull us to the presence of God." from the app Lectio Divina- Lent

Solo Mama Survival Planner {free printable}

We shared this quote HERE years ago- but it is relevant now as Josh is traveling more often for ministry.  Pray with us while he is away- here is why:

"But why was this frustration of sickness allowed?  One cannot always discern the reason for these things, but two are plain to us: (1) We learned that when one member of the party was thrusting out into Satan's territory, it was also necessary to put a prayer guard over those who stayed at home.  We were all praying for John and his party as they pressed into the demon-plagues territory of Goomoo.  Those prayers cleared the party's way (they were much blessed there) so Satan, in furious spite, struck at the unprotected home base.  Both those who go down to battle and those who stay by the stuff need prayer-coverage.  We have never forgotten this lesson." -Isobel Kuhn, In the Arena 

Pray for me and our kids, and Lillian as our men thrust out into Satan's territory.  If you will stand guard over these who stay home- please leave a comment!

One of the precious reasons I stay home :)

And as I stay home I've got plans in place to stay well!  If you're a mama who finds herself home while your husband travels- I pray that this little planner will help you stay well!

Download Solo Mama Survival Planner HERE 

Pray for those in Authority

Praying the Psalms

photo: Lake Victoria, October 2011

deep thoughts percolating...

"There is an experience of the eternal breaking into time, which transforms all life into a miracle of faith and action.  Unspeakable, profound, and full of glory as an inward experience, it is the root of concern for all creation, the true ground of social endeavor." -Thomas R. Kelly, A Testament of Devotion

and slightly less deep:

"Ours is to be a symphonic piety in which all the activities of work and play and family and worship and sex and sleep are the holy habitats of the eternal." -Richard Foster, Prayer

What big thoughts are you currently pondering?

How to Slow Time

"My ageless purposes are set in Eternity Time.  Time is like a little wheel set within the big wheel of Eternity.  The little wheel turns swiftly and shall one day cease.  The big wheel turns not but goes straight forward.  Time is your responsibility- Eternity is Mine!  You will move into your place in the big wheel when the little wheel is left behind.  See that now you redeem the time, making use of it for the purposes of My eternal kingdom, thus investing it with something of the quality of the big wheel... Fill your days with light and love and testimony.  Glorify and honor My name.  Praise and delight yourself in the Lord.  So shall eternity inhabit your heart and you will deliver your soul from the bondage of time.  You will experience liberation from the pressures of time and in your own heart you will slow down the little wheel,  So will you find a new kind of rest..." -Francis J Roberts, Come Away My Beloved.

There is just one month until we get on a plane and fly to New Jersey.  The days are flying even without an airplane!  I just want to slow down time.  We will never pass this way again.  In the international community we must be acutely aware that there will never be this exact combination of people again.  Our WGM Team will look different when we return.  The Heritage International School staff will be different.  The kids in Caleb and Seth's classes will be different.  There may be some constants... but we can't count on them.  We can only count on Him.  He is the only One who doesn't change.  So, I don't want to toss these relationships to the wind and rush through the next four weeks.  I want to cherish every moment- capture each memory- embrace each emotion.

How do you slow time?

Giving thanks for one thousand things is ultimately an invitation to slow time down with weight of full attention. In this space of time and sphere, I am attentive, aware, accepting the whole of the moment, weighing it down with me all here.

-Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

So, I'm trying.  Trying to receive each moment, each emotion, as it comes.  Weighing down each moment- the packing and the snuggling, the goodbyes and the sunshine- each moment with full attention and gratitude. 

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Satisfy us early with Your mercy, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days!  May the depth of my sorrow be the height of my joy- help me feel it all.  Let Your beauty be upon us and establish the work of our hands.  -prayer excerpt from Psalm 90:12-17

#7212.  coffee date with my man
#7213.  steam rising off my latte
#7214.  rising out of bed from an afternoon nap
#7215.  bubbles rising past his eyes!  he went under water at swim class!  firsts!
#7216.  really clean teeth. dentist here in Uganda. 
#7217.  how You meet me when I rise early. 
#7218.  sunshine. everyday. land of eternal summer
#7219.  popsicles after school. happy tradition.
#7220.  fresh melon juice.
 

Wednesdays with the Cousins

How to Find a Circle of Quiet in Africa: Part 1

the Mezzanine in Jinja

Every so often I need OUT; something will throw me into total disproportion, and I have to get away from everybody — away from all these people I love most in the world — in order to regain a sense of proportion. 

I like hanging sheets on lines strung under the apple trees — the birds like it, too. I enjoy going out to the incinerator after dark and watching the flames; my bad feelings burn away with the trash. But the house is still visible, and I can hear the sounds from within; often I need to get away completely, if only for a few minutes. My special place is a small brook in a green glade, a circle of quiet from which there is no visible sign of human beings. There’s a natural stone bridge over the brook, and I sit there, dangling my legs and looking through the foliage at the sky reflected in the water, and things slowly come back into perspective. If the insects are biting me — and they usually are; no place is quite perfect — I use the pliable branch of a shad-blow tree as a fan. The brook wanders through a tunnel of foliage, and the birds sing more sweetly there than anywhere else, or perhaps it is just that when I am at the brook I have time to be aware of them, and I move slowly into a kind of peace that is marvelous, “annihilating all that’s made to a green thought in a green shade.” 

If I sit for a while, then impatience, crossness, frustration, are indeed annihilated, and my sense of humor returns.”

~Madeleine L’Engle, Circle of Quiet

oh, how this need for a circle of quiet resonates with me.  how i long to just drive to a public park and disappear amongst the trees and just be.  that type of space just doesn't exist here in the big city.  and if it did, i doubt it would provide what i've been missing.

if it were a public park in Kampala, Uganda... I'm guessing there would be too many people... I probably wouldn't feel safe enough to relax... it would get dirty and ugly too fast...

we've been here for almost two years, and i still fail to get away to peace and quiet often (if ever).  with our boys in school, there is a semblance of quiet in my home, but it still doesn't always fill that need to escape.  i'm sure in America there will be different hindrances to finding a circle of quiet, like home-schooling, traveling and living with extended family.  every situation has it's benefits and challenges. 

so, how do i fill this need?  how do i get filled up?  we discussed this at our Oasis Gathering on Saturday- and it was good just to commiserate with other international women.  obviously i don't have all the answers- but i have survived a year and half here already:

• find a partial solution and embrace it.  life is hard.  and it might not be perfect, but there are ways to get my needs met- i just might have to work harder (or pay money) to make it happen.  {for those in Kampala places like: Speke Resort, the Woods, Mish Mash in the morning, a night in Jinja, etc} 
• go to your room. close the door.  put your ear buds in. make a happy place playlist for just these moments.  and pretend you're alone. even just for 10 minutes. 
• take a chair out to your garden- face the flowers, the lake or the view- take a deep breath and pray. give thanks. worship. {if there is no lovely space nearby, buy a book of artwork, a travel magazine or watch this or this.  find beauty somewhere and breathe it in}
• drink a warm cup of something delicious.  close your eyes and let the experience be your circle of quiet.  savor.  
• write a real letter to a dear friend.  use pretty paper and your best handwriting.  share your heart and an inspiring quote.  it will bless you.  and make you a blessing.

how do you find your circle of quiet?  how do you fill your emotional cup?

TIA: A Great Quest

"...inconvenience, as I have said, is only one aspect, and that the most unimaginative and accidental aspect of a really romantic situation. An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered." -G.K. Chesterton

Descending down our rocky hill, braking just before the on-slaught of traffic.  I gently move into the flow, adding my contribution to the smog overhead.  I am on a quest.  One that often proves mundane, but today has me scouring the city.

I arrive at the ATM at our corner grocery story.  Another brave soul emerges- "Sorry, try again later." I resume my quest, battling traffic and dodging pedestrians at every turn.  ATM #2 "No money" says the woman sitting inside the booth, without even the customary greeting.  I reluctantly head to Heritage to get what little money Josh had {ATM #3}.  I decide to tempt fate and attempt ATM #4.  It cycles through... cycles through... I must have asked for too much money.  Receipt.  No money.  "Your account will be reimbursed." The ATMs have won.

I am the hunter.  Scouring shelves for cheapest price.  Whittling down my list to necessities.  I arrive home weary, yet satisfied.  I braved the world of grocery shopping in Kampala and survived.  today.

What inconvenience could you re-write as an adventure?  It's all about perspective. 

homemade missions Day #28

“I continue to dream and pray about a revival of holiness in our day that moves forth in mission and creates authentic community in which each person can be unleashed through the empowerment of the Spirit to fulfill God's creational intentions.”

― John Wesley, How To Pray: The Best of John Wesley on Prayer 

Ready to be unleashed?

homemade missions Day #21

tiny toes of an orphan here in Uganda

 A quote on the hospitality of the early Church. staggering.  humbling. 

They love one another, and from widows they do not turn away
their esteem; and they deliver the orphan from him who treats him
harshly. And he, who has, gives to him who has not, without boasting.
And when they see a stranger, they take him into their homes
and rejoice over him as a very brother; for they do not call them
brethren after the flesh, but brethren after the spirit and in God. -Aristedes

  how are we doing, Church?

homemade missions Day #14

"Perichoresis koinonia... Peri, the Greek word for 'around', the root word for perimeter; choreography came from the Greek word choresis, 'to dance'.  The relationship of the Trinity could be described as an eternal holy dance of each Person around and within the others. Koinonia, of course, is 'fellowship'.  These words give us a picture of a divine minuet of love in which the Holy Three step together in unending harmony. 

Hospitality at its most profound state is an invitation to a dance.  In a multitude of ways, we too can say, "Why are you standing outside this lovely dance of community, of connection, and of belonging?  Come.  Come into fellowship, into this human way of reaching out to one another that reflects God's mode of loving in eternal heaven."

An open door.  A table spread with food.  The murmur of people engaged in conversation.  The extended hand.  A smile.  An embrace at meeting.  The loving voice over the phone.  Acceptance into the group.   Tea before the fire.  Coffee brewing in the kitchen.  A filled picnic hamper waiting on the counter.  A note requiring an RSVP.  A chorus of laughter.  An eagerness to meet the stranger.  Belonging.  The smell of well-prepared food.  A warming mug.  Ice in glasses. Friends gladly gathering.  Time for a long talk. 

My desire, for the rest of my days, is to extend this same divine invitation to all whom I meet and greet, to give away the above gifts of hospitality as long as I have breath.  I want to be able to say freely and joyfully, "Won't you come in?  Why don't you join us in the wondrous steps?" -Karen Mains, excerpt from Open Heart, Open Home. 

homemade missions Day #11

raising modern day knights is one of my circles of influence!

homemade missions starts right where you live.  God has placed you in a strategic circle of influence that He designed you for.  Perhaps, like me, you are a wife and mother.  Your home and your family are your first (and most important) circle of influence.  But maybe you are a single person, working a 9-5 job.  Your workplace and your church may be your primary circles of influence.  Undoubtedly, you have more than one circle of influence.  But some take priority over others.  And this is where you need the good Lord to give you wisdom!

inviting my boys to join me in ministry at the babies home

If you are married and parenting, your spouse comes first and then your children.  These are the primary ones God is calling you to minister to. 

 “Oh, that God would give every mother a vision of the glory and splendor of the work that is given to her when a babe is place in her bosom to be nursed and trained! Could she have but one glimpse into the future of that life as it reaches on into eternity; could she look into its soul to see its possibilities; could she be made to understand her own personal responsibility for the training of this child, for the development of its life, and for its destiny,–she would see that in all God’s world there is no other work so noble and so worthy of her best powers, and she would commit to no others hands the sacred and holy trust given to her.” ~ J.R. Miller, in Homemaking

And perhaps you are going through the motions... getting up, going to work, punching the clock... wondering how you can bless the nations.  

“Lost humanity desperately needs godly engineers and baristas and electricians and web designers and business entrepreneurs and artists and mechanics and athletes to flood the marketplaces of the world with the skills they are best at so disciples of Jesus can be made wherever life happens." -Dale Losch, in A Better Way

Take heart!  God has placed you strategically where you are and He has a job for you to do for the kingdom! Ask Him how He wants to use you in your sphere of influence today.  It's a job only you can do!  Leave a comment and tell us where your primary circle of influence is so we can pray for you.  It would be our privilege!

homemade missions Day #7

We're feeling the weight of spiritual warfare, and we need you to fight for us!  We feel as though there is much God wants to do, and Satan is fighting against that.  For more information on our team in Uganda, and our need for prayer now click here.

Wesley Duewel shares some specific ways to pray in his book, Touch the World Through Prayer:

As you carve out extended times of prayer for Uganda (or that country you named yesterday), pray for God to:

• Deepen hunger in the members of the team
• Reveal a new dimension of His holiness and power.  This is always an important preparation for God's mighty working.
• Produce a holy discontent with things as they are
• Quicken and strengthen faith that it is God's will to move and act on our behalf
• Give God's children new sensitivity to His guidance and voice.
• Give God's children an eagerness to be used of God and to obey Him
• Give new awareness to His people of the urgency of our need for revival
• Prepare the key individuals whom He plans to use
• Motivate and coordinate the prayer and faith of large numbers of Christians so they continue in earnest, prevailing prayer.

We long to love one another, to know God more, to serve Him faithfully here in Uganda.  Will you pray for unity among our team, for spiritual victory and deep joy in the Lord?

**edited and reposted from the archives

Words on Wednesday

Praying that I could say these words and experience this reality. today.