The Rhythms that Steady Us

Picnic under the tree: 2022

We've been in our Miracle House in Wilmore for two and a half years now. There are days when it feels like we left Uganda yesterday and days when it seems like we've lived here forever. Time is weird... growing kids are weird too. Caleb is a junior, Seth is a sophomore, Elizabeth is in fourth grade and Bekah is in third. I am in my second year of seminary and still working on getting my Mental Health Counseling degree. I hope to graduate the same year as Seth. Josh and I are still working for the Francis Asbury Society. 

I was leading a parenting support group for class this semester and one of the skills I taught was having a gratitude practice. Preparing for that session sent me back to my gift list tag here on our blog. I haven't kept up with the numbering of my gratitude. And I miss it. Looking back hit me deep in the feels. And made me realize how steadying and life-giving that practice is. 

Our kids are also growing so fast. I can't believe Caleb will be a senior next year. We still open advent envelopes each day, and we will picnic under the Christmas tree again this year. But the minutes with all four under our roof are finite and dwindling rapidly. Our advent envelopes are a tradition that steady us and hopefully steady our kids when they begin families of their own. 

I left off on my gift list at #8029... so I'll pick up there and keep counting. It's never too late to return to rhythms that steady you. {speaking of returning- that was my word for the year - so maybe I'll write about that soon}

8030. all four kids laughing and playing in the basement of FAS

8031. seeing the Coppedges at church

8032. breakfast sandwiches after church

8033. friends who feel like family

8034. the glow of the Christmas tree 

8035. our growing collection of ornaments- like a trip down memory lane

8036. the gift of returning

8037. thousands of photos- invitations to return 

8038. the scent of cinnamon rolls fresh from the oven

8039. a circle of parents finding strength in one another's company

8040. the honor of bearing witness to stories of pain and triumph

 

and yet...

house renovation josh's working on 

crumbling plaster. cracked wooden floors. weary muscles. sore hands. fall into bed bone weary. sleep. wake up to it all again. josh puts in 40 hours of hard labor (and keeps up with his seminary) and yet- this is the "for now provision", not a "forever solution".  

math. handwriting. making lunches. solving sibling squabbles and soothing raw emotions. menu planning. mountains of laundry. mine is a 24/7 job of motherhood and yet- they are here and they are ours....friends of ours are grieving the deepest loss imaginable, their son just 11 years old. and I just cook and pray, sweep and pray, wake in the night and pray that Jesus meets them and carries them and brings good out of such tragedy. 

I'm re-reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's been 10+ years since I read it last and I didn't quite need a theology of suffering then like I do now. And it is perfect. I'll do a 2020 book post next!

in these dark days of advent where loss is everywhere and holidays will not look the same as they used to, when I am so happy to be near family this year and missing our Uganda people and traditions (and weather, let's be honest) I need some anchors for my soul. our Jesse tree and advent wreath. our advent envelopes. lighting a candle each morning to be with Jesus. writing a gift list (not what I want... but what He has already given). and reading honest books. it's all so hard. there is so much grief and loss and suffering and political and racial tension and yet- these are the things giving me life right now. 

though wars rage and loved ones die, though we are grieving the loss of our life and ministry in Uganda and don't know where the Lord is leading us, yet we know He is here and we will rejoice that He is near to the broken-hearted.

what's been giving you life these days?

Grateful

photo credit: Taylor Radovich

The days are long. The responsibilities are many. The weight feels heavy. But we do not live like those without hope. There isn't any one thing going on- no single problem that I can point to and tell you THIS. It's a lot of little things (that are not all bad): our firstborn turning 13, working more days so Josh can get his seminary work done and do his WGM Uganda HR duties, baking, hosting, praying, parenting, marriage... your list goes on like mine.

I'm already in melancholy advent mode- feeling the weight of the world as we wait with longing for the day when He sets all things right. And Advent is just around the corner, but first Thanksgiving!



So I'm writing a different list:

photo credit: Taylor Radovich

8012. linking arms with a fellow warrior and letting her cover me in prayer
8013. Your daughters raising hands and voices in prayer and surrender
8014. Women getting set FREE!
8015. friends here.
8016. middle schooler getting saved!
8017. pumpkin spice VIA from a friend
8018. Waiting Songs by Rain for Roots
8019. cinnamon bun day
8020. Josh and Caleb off on a guys adventure day for his 13th
8021. singing in a choir again. it's been too long
8022. stories of Your faithfulness
8023. the perfect playlist for the ride home from retreat
8024. a miracle happening before our eyes- voice in the mic after three weeks without a voice!
8025. the smell of the girls freshly washed hair
8026. Boy Meets World with our boys
8027. homemade ricotta cheese
8028. teenage girls sitting around a table discussing how to shift perspective on mundane days
8029. the radical change that happens when I shift from "I have to..." to "I get to..." it's all privilege.

photo credit: Taylor Radovich
the team for Journey Together Retreat

Slowing to See

I breeze by my son's classroom on the way back to my office- and am stopped in my tracks... fiery crimson petals act like a stoplight to my soul... I must pause and take it in. Appreciate the way the raindrops catch the morning light. The contrast of colors.

I've said it before, but living in Uganda is like living in technicolor. Everything is vibrant and intense- the colors, the scents, the cultural differences, the people (so very friendly, welcoming, and enthusiastic), even the weather (though pretty much perfect year round) is an intense contrast of just two seasons: rainy or dry. And I have a choice. I can allow the harsh contrasts to assault my vision- or I can stop and just appreciate it for what it is. No judgement.

This flower is audacious in it's beauty. And that's just what I love about it. I am not a fan of the color red- and I could have just kept walking... because its not my own personal concept of beautiful... but I slowed to see it for what it is. A canvas for the wild, audacious glory of God.

And I was challenged in that moment- how often do I rush by another person without slowing to see the fingerprints of God on their souls?? Do I just see the things that make them different from me? Do I simply dismiss them as "other"? Or do I see "child of God"... my sister or brother?

It just takes one moment of a day for your world to get rocked. One second to pause and really see.

I want to be a woman who truly sees. Someone who's gaze isn't always on my phone, who's agenda isn't the next item on my to do list, who's got enough margin in her day to stop and actually ask how you're doing, and listen for the answer- to really see you.

Coming home...

not literally. don't everyone get excited.

as I press in to the idea of writing here again, I'm having to sift the wheat from the chaff. I have to try everything on and see what still fits. and something that Jesus has been whispering to me today is gratitude. keep counting those gifts. and it's Monday {my original gratitude post day}. there is something profound that happens when we say thank you for the gifts He gives on a daily basis. and I've been neglecting that practice. so I'm coming home- home to gratitude on Mondays.

the past two years have been a stripping away, a desert season, survival mode. i've been reduced to rubble. and yet what remains is gold. He is remaking me. and I guess that's part of why I want to share this journey. I am still unfinished. but my head is far enough above water now that it isn't dangerous for me to reach out to others who might feel like they're drowning.

so while I haven't faithfully kept counting the gifts, I have sporadically been counting- so we'll just pick up where I left off:

7861. 5am. You meeting me.
7862. grace enough to welcome an early riser at 5:03am
7863. Sofia the First on iTunes.
7864. my little corner on the kitchen floor. sacred space.
7865. in You there is no sin. If I abide in You, I can say no to sin.
7866. my husband rising to meet You early
7867. bagels and coffee
7868. our 4 incredible kids
7869. Your word. truth for this day.
7870. a clean and quiet desk
7871. being able to find this gratitude journal. after months of disuse and a transatlantic move.
7872. my crossfit ladies pushing me towards health
7873. and also bringing m&ms :)
7874. cloudy morning- cool enough to work out
7875. the ability to move my body
7876. rain holding off till we were done
7877. a morning with Rebekah
7878. Hi Ho Cherry-o, Candy Land, Zingo... classics
7879. her laugh. it's so contagious
7880. snuggles before nap
7881.everyone napping so I can write

What are you grateful for today?

linking up:

the key to humility

the power is out. again. we can't use the coffee maker. again. the baby was up every hour. all. night. long. my mini-meatloaves failed. the carrots and zucchini burned. these are the thoughts swirling in my head on Tuesday morning.  we're one month in to our second term, and I'm feeling it! the honeymoon is over.

Oh, the pride in thinking i am too good for inconvenience, let alone suffering.  I deserve consistent power. I deserve one solid night of rest. etc. It simply isn't true. and yet i operate as if it is. The truth is "all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution..." 2 Timothy 3:12... and this isn't persecution. This isn't even suffering. This is inconvenience. What I really deserve is eternal condemnation, because I am a sinner.  But He is gracious.

I deserve none of the good things I have. He generously gives us all things. The key to humility is recognizing how much He has already given.  The key is gratitude.  I am humbled as I look around me and see all He has done for me. And I slander the name of God when I complain about what He has allowed in my life.  And in Titus this week I've been reminded that older women are not slanderers... they are teachers of good things... -Titus 2:3

Here are the true and good things I need to be reminded of:

• The grace of God has appeared to all men. (Titus 2:11)
• I have a blessed hope. (Titus 2:13)
• One day there will be a glorious appearing. (Titus 2:13)
• He gave Himself for me. (Titus 2:14)
• I am redeemed. (Titus 2:14)
• I am special to Him. (Titus 2:14)
• He has given kindness and love in Christ. (Titus 3:4)
• His mercy has saved me. (Titus 3:5)
• The Holy Spirit has been poured out abundantly on me. (Titus 3:5-6)
• I am an heir in Christ. (Titus 3:7)
• I have been justified. (Titus 3:7)

these are things we ought to affirm constantly...these things are good and profitable to think on... -Titus 3:8

What do you do when pride sneaks up and rears its ugly head?  What are you grateful for today?

I'm linking up at The Grove today at velvetashes.com 

Here.

at the airport checking in

We are exhausted. And relieved. God has faithfully carried us to our home in Uganda.  All the work of the past year has paid off.  And we are here.

I can't wait to see how my One Word {here} will unfold and inspire me on this side of the ocean.

The kids all did great on the flights.  There was never a moment when we couldn't distract Elizabeth from launching into a full-blown meltdown.  She slept snug in the sling, so I even caught some rest without worrying that I would drop her.  The boys watched a million movies.  During our six-hour layover in London we busted out the Legos and the boys played happily, found the play place in Terminal 5 (near Gate A6 if you need to know~ also, bring socks for your kiddos in your carry-on so you don't have to "borrow" socks. gross. lesson learned), and Caleb finally slept.  Flight 2 was fine as well.  And all our luggage arrived in Entebbe!  We are so grateful.

Some things I'm thankful for right here:

here.

driving on the left side of the road.
scent of smoke lingering on the air
walking into my own home
a cool breeze rustling the curtain
hearing the birds outside my window
East African coffee, brewed in our french press
because the power was out.
warm welcome. big smiles shining from dark faces
baby taken up into the arms of our night guard.
she didn't cry.
the sunset over this city.
6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. miracle.
bouncy play gym. given by sweet friends.
boys happily reunited with toys

meantime gratitude...

as we await our release from Homeland Ministry we could view these days as a delay, in limbo, a challenge or we could receive them as a gift.  four years is a long time.  we know He still has work for us to do here in us and through us.  but perhaps part of the reason God has us here until July is because He wants to bless us. In the meantime, while we wait, He has graciously allowed us to be near family and friends.  He has sweetly given us a new baby to snuggle and enjoy.  He has placed us near so many stores and restaurants.  The roads are full of cars, but not chaos. We can get almost every food we crave (except real african chai, and matooke and g-nut sauce, and truly ripe tropical fruit).

and so we say Thank You, or "webale nyo" as they say in Uganda.  and we count all the gifts He has given us #here:

7579.  friends gathered.
7580.  kids everywhere
7581.  laughter and sunshine.
7582.  s'mores roasted over a fire. oozing. sticky. delicious.

7583.  family gathered.
7584.  all my siblings under one roof. around one table.
7585.  all these boy cousins eating burgers and hot dogs.
7586.  funny stories

7586.  this pool that has seen generations of childhoods...
7587.  my boys and their cousins, like I did with my cousins...
7588.  freezing water. blue lips. shivering and loving it.

7589.  warriors gathered together with us.
7590.  fighting alongside us. in the same room.
7591.  storming heaven on behalf of the nations.
7592.  preparation for the days to come when we fight from two separate continents.

7593.  quick trip to the ocean.
7594.  baby girl in daddy's arms.
7595.  sea breeze. boardwalk food. gorgeous view.

7596.  You, here, on this side of the ocean. holding us.
7597.  You, fighting for us as we wait.
7598.  Your provision of 90%- the remaining 10% is nothing to You.
7599.  the beauty and the sweetness of wrestling my way to trust.
7600.  You, the trustworthy and faithful One.
7601.  You've never failed, and You won't stop now.

Two Worlds

There is a dichotomy in these days which is striking. I feel as though I am constantly living in two worlds. There is baby world and big kid world. There is missionary world and mama world. There is a sweet contentment in trusting His timing and a holy discontent to be back in Uganda. It is not all easy, nor do I excel in all of these areas... but I am trying to see the beauty in each world and savor each season.

even though it's Wednesday, I'm counting gifts- grateful for every facet of this crazy, wonderful life He has called me to today:

#7556. big boys and baby girl

#7557. big shoes and tiny socks

#7558. learning to bike without training wheels and learning to roll over

#7559. math wraps and pacifier

#7560. Batman and pink purse

#7561. Lego sets and teething toys

#7562. singing from the kitchen table and happy coos from the living room floor

#7563. growing hands getting their own breakfast and chubby fingers around Sophie

#7564. happily crunching on Lucky Charms and still needing mama's milk

#7565. chapter books and board books

#7566. rocking babies and writing newsletters

#7567. easy, worry-free driving and a calling on our lives

#7568. sidewalks and dirt roads

#7569. spring flowers and palm trees

#7570. family nearby and co-workers on the front-lines

#7571. play-dates with friends and lunch meetings with pastors

living slow

there is something so sweet and freeing about life with a new baby.  like this lovely limitation, that causes me to focus on essentials..  i didn't feel this way yesterday, the limitations almost suffocated me.  and although my one word this year is "here"... here is the last place in the world i wanted to be.

thankfully, i can proudly say we all made it through that cranky, sick day dressed, fed and alive.

today is a new day and i am seeing with fresh perspective.  it all started last night, when sweet Elizabeth finally pooped, and then gave me two brilliant smiles. the real ones, where she locks eyes with me, and then flashes startling beauty.  almost as if she was saying, "sorry for all the grief today. thanks for sticking it out and not completely losing it." 

we were all scheduled to speak at a new church about our mission to Uganda, and at the last minute Seth got sick and I had to stay home with all the kids while Josh went to church.  and last night, after the long, trying day, Elizabeth smiled and Jesus brought to mind a lesson He is teaching me again:

children tie a mother's feet.  more on that tomorrow. 

but for today, I am thankful for all the sweet things that Jesus gives in this newborn season:

• crinkly nose, figuring out how to smile
• blueberry eyes and rose bud lips
• that sweet scent of clean baby fresh from the bath
• warm and wet, wrapped in a hooded-towel
• squeaky breaths
• utter exhaustion/dependence on Jesus
• sense of victory when she burps
• forced stillness while I nurse her
• her simplicity of needs- love, food, cleanliness, sleep.
• time for prayer
• staying close to home this winter
• an excuse to nap with a warm, cuddly baby
• how she just needs me sometimes
• tiny fingers wrapped around mine
• soft, wild hair
• sweet baby coos
• coffee
• super husband
• Your nearness
• Your word, in snatches, on my phone

When the Days are Long...

Some days are easier than others.  And on those long days it's even more important to hunt for His gifts.  He is always a good Giver- some days it's easier to see!  Sweet Elizabeth reached 1 month on Sunday.  It has been a joy to watch her grow these past four weeks- crazy how much they change!

when all she wants to do is be held- it's easy to focus on all I've given up to be mama to a small one again.  the long hours of productivity, the ease of getting through a day, a full nights' rest... but God wants me to focus on Himself, gaze in His eyes, and open my hands to receive His gifts:

7551.  Jesus carrying me as I hold this baby
7552.  Your Word that gives life
7553.  Joseph's words of blessing to his brothers
7554.  snacks you can eat with one hand
7555.  finally being able to put her down for a nap.
7556.  getting some work done on the newsletter
7557.  her wild woman hair
7558.  the soft spot to nestle into her neck
7559.  her tiny fingers and toes
7560.  her sweet rosebud lips
7561.  her blueberry eyes
7562.  this tiny person, handcrafted by God
7563.  here. this place I can worship You.

here. in snapshots.

lego love.
setting it up just so.
creating.
intent little boy.

that cowlick. swirling. right in the middle.
dimples. in sweet cheeks.
clean diaper.
laundry scattered in the background.

busy hands.
drawing. coloring. cutting.
scraps on the floor.
happy boys. 

i'm here. and choosing to see joy. 

She is Here!

and we are so in love.  this sweet girl has captured our hearts and won't let go!  Elizabeth Anne Hallahan was born on December 19, 2013 weighing 7lbs 7oz, and measuring 21 1/4" long. we are smitten. love is in the air on December 19... as it also happens to be our wedding anniversary.

Josh's status says it all:

9 years ago today I married the love of my life. Today another girl has joined us and stolen my heart. Elizabeth Anne Hallahan has entered the world and is doing great.

Thank you for praying for us and carrying us this pregnancy, and now as we enter a new season of family life.    We're grateful.

Life is Advent.

"Be alert, be alert, so that you will be able to recognize your Lord in your husband, your wife, your parents, your children, your friends, your teachers, but also in all you read in the daily papers.  The Lord is coming, always coming.  When you have ears to hear and eyes to see, you will recognize Him at any moment of your life.  Life is Advent; life is recognizing the coming of the Lord." -Henri Nouwen

These are exceptional days of waiting.  Not only do we await the coming of the Christ-child, and the second coming of our Lord and King- but our family awaits the arrival of our sweet baby and the day when we will be released from our Homeland Ministry Assignment to return to Uganda.  In all the waiting it is easy to grow impatient.  When we fix our eyes only on what is to come, we miss what is already here. 

Feeling sick as I enter the final days and weeks of pregnancy has caused me to grow weary of the waiting.  Wondering how the Lord will raise up our team of champions and if there is anything more we could be doing make these days feel like we're in a holding pattern.  But He is here.  He is at work in our midst.  My body is doing what it needs to in preparation for labor and delivery.  Our prayers are being heard and our presence is being used to build our support team.  I just need to open my eyes and look for the evidence of His coming in each moment. 

And so I count all the ways I see Him coming:

7495.  crib. closet organizer. itty bitty diapers. getting ready.

7501.  big bumps and kicks and hiccups. this life within me.

7509.  early morning solitude- a limited gift.  baby is coming soon!
7510.  3 cm on December 5.
7511.  how marvelously You made a woman's body to carry and bring forth life.
7512.  how You are preparing me.

7517.  victory in Caleb's thumb-sucking habit
7518.  Seth taking good care of his sick mama
7519.  date night with my man. delicious latte. a quiet moment alone.
7520.  a fresh perspective on waiting
7521.  all the moments I'll find You coming today

9 Years...

date night in Ohio, didn't take any picture last night!

Our official anniversary isn't until December 19, but with the holidays, the unknown arrival of our third little one, and the offer of free babysitting- we decided to celebrate early!  It was the first time in a long time we actually took the time to do dinner AND a movie!  This man is such a gift to me!

Counting the ways ...

• he steadies me.
• he makes me laugh
• he delights in me
• he takes care of the details
• he is a good dad
• he plays the guitar
• he isn't too tall
• he loves Jesus 
• he leads our family well
• he cooks a mean breakfast sandwich
• he has a heart for Africa
• he does most of the driving
• he does laundry
• he gets excited about Christmas lights
• ...and so much more...I am one blessed woman!

Gratitude By the Numbers

the shores of Lake Michigan

...thus far the Lord has helped us.  We have been on the road for almost 6 weeks.  And we are grateful for the ways He has kept us! 

So here is our gratitude by the numbers... literally counting His gifts!
 






41 days on the road.
4,133 miles of safety on the road.
12 different homes/beds.

One of many beds we've slept in

147 cups of coffee.

2 hayrides
11 formal speaking engagements.
2 university campuses.
4 Great Lakes.
2 state parks.
2 countries (US and Canada)
6 states (PA, MI, OH, KY, WV, NJ)
38 rest stops.
9 playgrounds
countless meals shared around the table.
endless grace poured out on us.
lots of warm welcome.
His abiding presence.

 

Thankful by Caleb

We've been having a tough time with C. this week.  Nothing we do seems to be enough.  He is constantly focused on what he doesn't have.  We've talked about it.  Prayed about it.  Read about it.  And hope to share some of the parenting lessons we're learning on the road later today... but for yesterday's gratitude post (sorry its late!) I wanted to share Caleb's prayer at dinner last night.  It gives me hope that what we're doing is making a difference at least for one day!

"Dear Jesus, thank you for the Air Zoo, for a new coloring book, for Mickey Mouse pancakes, for space food, and for such an awesome day.  Amen. Oh, and bless the food.  Amen."

Grateful

We left Pennsylvania today with thankful hearts- we have been warmly welcomed and hosted.  We have eaten lots of good food, and enjoyed many autumn festivities like bonfires and hayrides.  We have met new people, and reconnected with others.  Jesus is building and strengthening our team! 

And so we count on:

7455.  a sweet gift from a 13 year old- $3.33

7456.  watching this man preach- it never gets old

7457.  interesting field trip to the fish hatchery

7458.  little boys learning a new game

7459.  fog covered mountains

7460.  Your presence going before us

7461.  a table and chairs. a couch and a chair. 3 beds. enough.

7462.  a delicious cheese burger and sweet potato fries

7463.  hot apple cider on a rainy day.

7464.  sweater weather.

7465.  being out of reach of social media

7466.  helping to carry a pastor’s burdens

7467.  homemade sour cherry jam

7468.  family devotions. even with cranky kids.

7469.  him- leading our family well

7470.  little miss kicking up a storm

7471.  big brother kisses to my belly

7472.  Your word of peace

7473.  how You walk this road with us

7474.  how You provide for all our needs

7475.  Your people hosting us graciously

7476.  a gorgeous fall hike
7477.  a perfect stretch before getting in the car
7478.  Your handiwork

7479.  adventure

7480.  little boys and a good daddy

7481.  learning to trust

7482.  You love them more than I do

Gratitude on the Road

Gratitude receives everything as a gift.  Our first week on the road is well underway, and going great!  But if it hadn't been going well, there would still be things to be thankful for.  And that makes all the difference!  It doesn't hurt that we are traveling through beautiful country during my favorite time of year.  I hope you don't get tired of my autumnal photographs.





my list in snapshots this week