Ache and Hum {a busy mom's lament}

Life pounds out staccato. 

The beat growing faster. 

Until the days whir by to the hum. 

Where did autumn go? 

Also, my firstborn prepares to turn 18 next week. 

Wasn't I just rocking him to sleep as he snuggled my hair and sucked his thumb? Here we are living in the U.S.A. with four kids, a mortgage payment, and a dog, just before our 20th anniversary next month. We are on the front porch of mid-life. And somehow, I thought things would slow down after the blur of toddlerhood. But the pace has gotten even more harried. I ache for those long, slow days. And I love the season we are currently in. The kids are all learning how to make their way in the world, and we get a front-row seat to their triumphs and tragedies, as we standby to cheer or comfort. 

It's a long letting go. And I refuse to buy into the myth that we only get 18 summers. I want more than that. I want my kids to call and stop by, I want to hear all about the glorious and the hard of young adulthood, work, marriage, and parenting. So I'll keep pushing pause on my grad school homework to listen to stories from school, I will stay up late {apparently the only time teens wish to spill the tea}, and I'll climb up into the top bunk and cuddle my tween who can only share honestly when the lights are out, and we are under the covers. 

I hope that they will want to keep talking to me. Yet, I will pursue my own dreams and hobbies, so they know what a meaningful life looks like, and so they don't feel pressure to come fill my life up. I want them to soar and I want them to walk through our open door whenever they want to and I'll call and check in occasionally because a parent's work is never done, it just shifts. So, there will be days when all six of us aren't at the dinner table, and nights when i am sitting with clients instead of my kids. And all of it will be good and right. I just wish I had the capacity to savor it all a little longer. 

I'll grieve what has passed, what will never be, and who I once was. And I will look for ways to just be here now, thankful for all that is.

Laying Down my Ideas...

These are difficult days. We have finally succumbed to COVID-19. There is an actual war being waged on the other side of the world. And today is Ash Wednesday. A day to remember our humanity and come face to face with our sin and mortality. Yet, I don't know about you, but I am all too aware of my limits, frailty, and humanity this year. We are on day 12 of isolation and my grace and patience started to wear thin, so I decided this is the perfect day to reorient myself. I have always loved Lent. We have tons of old blog posts with my thoughts and our family traditions if you want some inspiration. 

We began 2022 with energy, hope, and lots of people attending Bible study. But as the weeks passed, we canceled more events than we hosted and even the ones we offered were sparsely attended. It is easy in those moments to listen to the lies that you aren't doing a good job and that the slow ways of Jesus just don't work. But we've been at this for a decade and I refuse to let the tempter play that card with me. I will teach a fitness class with just one student. I will receive the gift of no one coming to Bible study as an extra night to spend with our children. On a walk with Jesus, He reminded me that He isn't in a hurry, that building something which lasts isn't an overnight miracle, and that just because it feels like we aren't doing much doesn't mean He isn't working below the surface. And so I offer that same encouragement to you- the pace of love is slow, building the kingdom doesn't happen overnight, and He is at work beneath the surface as you wait on Him. 

I am burdened for Ukraine. There is a weariness in my bones and my mind from dealing with COVID-19. Our hearts break for students at Asbury who are hurting, lonely and exhausted. AND those are the very reasons I must slow down and fill my days with beauty, connection, and intercession. The three main disciplines of lent are fasting, giving and praying. This lent I am laying down my ideas of effective ministry. I am giving my attention to the things that matter by building beauty and connection into our days. And I am praying His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 

This quote from C.S. Lewis has been ringing in my heart this week: "

If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things—praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts—not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds.”

What do you need to lay down, to whom do you need to give, and what is the prayer on your heart this Lenten season? 

#monochromaticlent

{Hesed} love

I want to share this morning a word that has become so precious to me in this season. I don’t know about you- but the past 5 months have been some of the hardest months I’ve ever faced. Not only are we dealing with a global pandemic, and racial tensions, but in the middle of all of that my family relocated back to New Jersey unexpectedly. We are still WGM missionaries, and are seeking the Lord for what He may be calling us to next. I read recently in the Titus Women’s Minsitry e-news an incredible call to prayer because many missionaries have returned to the USA this year unexpectedly and for various reasons- it feels as though God is amassing a huge missionary force here in America and I’m curious to see His purposes in these days! All that to say- these have been days of global grief and massive stress and anxiety, and as we look to the Psalms we see a word we can grasp hold of that may be just the anchor we need in this storm. 

 The Hebrew word hesed occurs 246 times in the OT. I heard Dr. John Oswalt teach on it last summer, and it has come to life this year for me. Some English translations use “kindness” “mercy” “steadfast love” “lovingkindness” “favor” “unfailing love” “devotion” but none of these are sufficient by themselves. It is a deep, rich word that doesn’t have a single, perfect translation in English.  A couple more definitions “faithful love in action” and “undeserved love from a superior to an inferior” “unmerited kindness that seeks to actively intervene to help a loved one”. 

Ralph Davis says, “The order is: love gives itself, in covenant, and gladly promises devoted love in that covenant; the covenant partner then rests in the security of that promise and may appeal to it.” Think of a faithful marriage, and a parent-child relationship all rolled into one (but don’t take this too far it gets weird). Or even faithful marriage and master and servant combined. The idea is God has pledged Himself to us in faithful love, but He is also in authority over us- He owes us nothing. Michael Card translated hesed as “when the person from whom I have a right to expect nothing gives me everything.”

Understanding this word is not just important to us because it appears well over 100 times in the Psalms. This word is important because it is one of the words God uses to describe himself, as in Exodus 34:6-7, when he says to Moses, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in hesed and faithfulness, maintaining hesed to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin.” 

These have been the hardest days I have ever walked through. We hadn’t planned on being back in the USA indefinitely. Saying goodbye to the only life our little family has known was painful. And then comes the memory of this little five letter word “hesed”.  So I had to dig into why this word was so important.

 

Adrian Van Breda helped me understand “God’s hesed is experienced particularly when we are in the midst of adversity. Psalm 94:18 says, “When I said, My foot is slipping, Your hesed love, O Lord, supported me.” The sense here is that God’s hesed is grasped at while we are still in the adversity. Hesed does not necessarily remove the adversity or even the distress and anxiety that adversity evokes. Within each situation we have to seek out again God’s hesed and rediscover what it means to be loved while we struggle with life. Hesed becomes a lifeline or an anchor onto which we hold for dear life. While we struggle, someone may reassure us that God loves us, but actually that knowledge is something we have to find for ourselves.” 

 

I needed to not only know God loved me in this season- I needed to experience it. I experienced His hesed when Josh collected letters from people who love me for my birthday. I received His hesed when my brother drove to DC to pick us up from the airport, and when we arrived at an empty parsonage gifted to us from a church to quarantine in. I saw His love in action when people delivered meals to us while we were in quarantine. And I sensed His hesed every morning when I sat on the deck as the sun warmed my face and I spent time with the Lord. 

 

Psalm 103 gives us a beautiful illustration of hesed: “Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me; bless His holy name (can I pause here and say that bringing our whole selves- not just the pretty bits- but the hurt, the worry, the delight, the wonder is what blesses the Lord but that is another topic for another day)! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits: who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. The Lord executes righteousness and justice for all who are oppressed, He made known His ways to Moses, His acts to the children of Israel. The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in mercy {hesed}. He will not always strive with us, nor will He keep His anger forever. He has not dealt with us according to our sins, nor punished us according to our iniquities. For as the heavens are high above the earth, so great is His mercy {hesed} toward those who fear Him… “ 

 

Now what? How will I live differently because of God’s hesed towards me this week??

 

“I will give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His hesed endures forever” –Psalm 136:1

            Make a list of His love notes, His hesed towards you- every day!

 

I will remember the times He showed hesed towards me, unlike the Israelites “they did not remember the multitude of Your hesed but rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.” –Psalm 106:7

Could you write a timeline of the ways God intervened in your life and saved you or rescued you or people you love? I can’t wait to get to heaven and find out all the things He rescued me from that I had no idea were about to happen!

 

I will call out to God in my distress “But You, O God the Lord, deal with me for Your name’s sake; because Your hesed is good, deliver me. For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded with me… Help me, O Lord my God! Oh, save me according to Your hesed, that they may know that this is Your hand- that You, Lord have done it!” –Psalm 109:21-22, 26

Our lives don’t just become rosy and easy when we walk with the Lord- His hesed isn’t a magic wand to wave over our lives. However- I have found that His hesed shines on our darkest days. Because it is a covenant term, He has promised never to leave us or forsake us, He has chosen us as His people, His reputation is on the line- we can call out to Him and appeal to His hesed and trust Him to come through for us.

 

I will share my story with someone. “Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! For His hesed endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord say so…” –Psalm 107:1-2

Could you share your testimony with someone who needs to hear it this week? Or share how God has met a need in your life recently with someone feeling hopeless?

 

I will be glad. “Oh, satisfy us early with Your hesed, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days! And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us. And establish the work of our hands for us, yes, establish the works of our hands.” –Psalm 90:14, 17

It’s easy to complain these days. This is not the story I would have written for 2020. But I can be glad- because He is my God. I can choose to start my day with Him- let Him fill and satisfy me and I won’t be looking for the world, or my circumstances or other people to satisfy me. He will satisfy my deepest needs as I meet with Him and I can be glad. And then I walk away from that time looking more like Him because Jesus Himself has filled me and is living His life in me- extending hesed love, faithfulness, kindness, mercy, compassion to those around me! When God’s people know they are loved- He is able to use them to love the world around them!

End of an Era

The world is in a state of chaos and uncertainty- challenging everything we have clung to for stability. COVID-19 has brought many communities around the world to their knees. We feel the weight here in Uganda as well. In addition to the weight of a global pandemic, just before Easter this year we were informed by WGM Uganda leadership that this would be our final term with WGM Uganda.

This chapter of our lives in Uganda has been one of the sweetest and one of the hardest. We have seen God draw our children closer to Himself. Our marriage has withstood the challenges of cross-cultural ministry and only gotten stronger. Students at Heritage are walking closer to Jesus, asking great questions, and giving testimony to His work in their lives. Our home fellowship is flourishing even during this quarantine (mostly on WhatsApp right now). Watching our home fellowship leadership team step into more responsibility and take ownership has been beautiful. We strongly believe God isn’t done with this home fellowship and can’t wait to see how He uses these men and women. 

There are many questions.  There are even more unknowns.  But through all of this, we know that God is still good, and God is certainly not done with us yet.  Once we return to the states, we will begin exploring with WGM leadership and seeking the Lord as to what our next assignment might be.  Right now, we are focusing on leaving Uganda well, saying necessary goodbyes, and leaning on His strength to do so during a global pandemic. We currently have flights scheduled for June 2nd; however, our airline has canceled all flights through May 31st.  We have no way of knowing if we will be able to leave on June 2nd or whether that will be pushed to a future date. Would you pray over that? Once we are able to return to New Jersey, we will begin the healing process needed after this sudden change and begin looking at what could be next.  We appreciate your prayers over us, continued financial support, and patience as we wait on God to reveal our next steps. 

We as a family are finding a lot of comfort in the story of Abraham these days.  During our family home church, we have begun walking through Abraham’s journey.  In Genesis 12 we read of God’s call to Abram to “Go…to the land I will show you.”  Abram obeyed God and left behind everything he knew, everything that gave him an identity, and trusted God to lead him.  Our family feels a lot like Abram.  While we may be returning to our “father’s land” in New Jersey as our next step, we don’t know how long that will be or what ministry will look like a year from now. But God knows and we can trust Him.  Thank you for standing with us for 9 years of fruitful ministry here in Uganda.  This is not the ending we would have written, but we are grateful for the privilege of being part of God’s work here in Uganda. We trust God to continue what He started, both here in Uganda and within our family.

up to my neck...

dirt. pounding hammers. mess. the hum of a saw. a construction site is a hive of activity. the organized chaos overwhelms my senses.  especially when school starts in less than two weeks. this is the Early Years building that will house our youngest students this year!

this summer has been a slow simmer. we've had a few friends to play with. some activities planned, but no travel. lots of downtime. and the countless days of life on life- humanity scraping against humanity- have worn me down.

I am excited about the new school year- we've already fed some new teachers and we are going to be hosting one for the first month of school. I've got talks to plan, devotions to prepare, Sabbath stations to set up for retreat, dinners to cook, and very little margin left to work with- because I've spent so much time and energy meeting my kids' social needs this summer.

that sneaking feeling of overwhelm begins to rise in my chest. as I look at my to do list and compare it to the hours available in a given day... the columns don't balance. I'm up to my neck. and I take a deep breath.

O N E. This is my year of one. I can only love one person at a time. I can truly do only one thing at a time. Just the next right thing. It takes some pressure off. And then I realize He can show me which next thing- it is deeper relief still.

I haven't really been abiding well lately. I haven't strayed- I've just been depriving myself of all the power I have access to on the daily. "One thing is necessary, Mary has chosen that good part..." I've been walking in my own strength, missing that one thing. and it's catching up with me. so instead of writing a talk on Spiritual Health tonight- I'm gonna do my own diagnosis- take my own medicine and pray He uses me tomorrow.

How are you feeling at the start of a fresh school year?

a puddle of glory in a busy day

the girls are napping. the birds are singing in the trees. I have a steaming cup of chai in my hand. and the soundtrack to my days is playing quietly in the background. my soul can breathe in moments like these. it's like a puddle of glory in the middle of my day.

I don't always savor these moments, or find them, or create them. often I miss them because my eyes are full of my phone, or because the to do list is too long and who can afford to stop? and it takes work- stop, steep the chai, turn on the music, put down the phone. but when I don't pause and savor I am essentially throwing the gift of this moment into the face of God. He graciously gives us all things. and I am too busy to receive.

there are moments when I am getting things done, enjoying this season of part-time ministry outside the house, and then there are others when I am losing my mind at the two-ness of my two year old and fuming as I make four lunches before school. part of me thinks I can just run with it. and then there are moments like this when I realize I might not be fully recovered yet and need to slow down and let Him keep healing my heart. and it's good and necessary to listen to what our souls need.

thanks for joining me on this journey. it feels really good to write again.

are you able to find moments in your day to pause? what does that look like for you in whatever season you find yourself in? 

**also, have you heard of Zachary Bruno? Dawn light is the soundtrack to my days and it's amazing how quickly music can change the tone of your day.

Coming home...

not literally. don't everyone get excited.

as I press in to the idea of writing here again, I'm having to sift the wheat from the chaff. I have to try everything on and see what still fits. and something that Jesus has been whispering to me today is gratitude. keep counting those gifts. and it's Monday {my original gratitude post day}. there is something profound that happens when we say thank you for the gifts He gives on a daily basis. and I've been neglecting that practice. so I'm coming home- home to gratitude on Mondays.

the past two years have been a stripping away, a desert season, survival mode. i've been reduced to rubble. and yet what remains is gold. He is remaking me. and I guess that's part of why I want to share this journey. I am still unfinished. but my head is far enough above water now that it isn't dangerous for me to reach out to others who might feel like they're drowning.

so while I haven't faithfully kept counting the gifts, I have sporadically been counting- so we'll just pick up where I left off:

7861. 5am. You meeting me.
7862. grace enough to welcome an early riser at 5:03am
7863. Sofia the First on iTunes.
7864. my little corner on the kitchen floor. sacred space.
7865. in You there is no sin. If I abide in You, I can say no to sin.
7866. my husband rising to meet You early
7867. bagels and coffee
7868. our 4 incredible kids
7869. Your word. truth for this day.
7870. a clean and quiet desk
7871. being able to find this gratitude journal. after months of disuse and a transatlantic move.
7872. my crossfit ladies pushing me towards health
7873. and also bringing m&ms :)
7874. cloudy morning- cool enough to work out
7875. the ability to move my body
7876. rain holding off till we were done
7877. a morning with Rebekah
7878. Hi Ho Cherry-o, Candy Land, Zingo... classics
7879. her laugh. it's so contagious
7880. snuggles before nap
7881.everyone napping so I can write

What are you grateful for today?

linking up:

Quietly...

As the thunder rolls in the distance and the clouds gather over the city... I'm peeking back into this space- it's been long- and I've missed it.

we have traversed a season of quiet brokenness and of healing, of grieving and of growing and I am looking around this online space feeling almost like a stranger. I read back on old posts and I am stunned by my own thoughts (for good or ill). Some posts are hitting me profoundly. Others make me shake my head and wonder who that person is.

Also, I'm not quite sure how the landscape of the blogosphere has changed while I've been away. I don't know if I can or want to try and keep up. Do I still fit in this space? Are blogs even a thing anymore?

I know that I am different. I also know I still have much to say. But there isn't this urge to be heard. Or this pressure to produce. It's more like a home-sickness. Like a wistful glance at an old photo of a sweet time and place I'll never get back.

The Lord has brought us through a difficult season and the answers don't come as easy as they used to. But even though I've been quiet here on the blog He hasn't stopped speaking. He has been meeting me and filling me... So as I think about returning to this space, I'm pretty sure it's more for me than for you. But I would love to have some traveling companions.

a slow thaw

the broken way: this book has been my journey companion as we have returned to the states broken and weary.

we have just returned from our renewal and growth program and i've barely begun to process all Jesus has been doing in my heart. but my words are returning to me. my desire to get out and snap photos is coming back. i'm coming back to life! like a slow thaw... and it's good. i want to lean in and keep doing the work. i want all that He has for me. i want to be a comforting journey-mate to those who are broken.

stay tuned to this space as i keep processing.

Dry.

Hung to dry. This simple image captivates me and captures the stark beauty of this season. The colors are neutral. The image is simple. The light filters through the curtain just right. Fragile. Delicate. Beautiful.

In desert seasons all of life is reduced to bare minimum. All the external props are stripped away. And you are left with the essentials. God. Family. Daily bread.

I don't even know that I have any words for this space. But I've missed writing here. God is doing a deep work in us. And it's hard. Hidden. It's not glamorous. We are showing up everyday. We are leaning in and letting Him meet us, restore us. We are going slowly. Doing the necessary. And we are fighting to be satisfied in the being- not the doing or producing or performing.

These flowers had to be hung to dry, before their seeds could be useful in the planting season. Maybe that's why this picture came flooding back to my mind today.

Journey through Psalms

these gorgeous, fragrant flowers bloom like crazy in May

these flowers. they bloom like crazy in may. and smell amazing. but since May is goodbye month- they smell like to grief to me.

I'm taking a long, slow stroll through Psalms right now. Soaking in one chapter per week with a friend. And it is good.

I love the permission to feel all the feels. And the faith to still declare, "Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him." {Psalm 2:12 NKJV}

Another friend sent me a link to a sermon series on the Psalms and it has been so encouraging. Especially Psalm 3- Psalms of Lament {listen}.

This is a season of grieving for the missionary community. The school year comes to a close and many leave for the summer, and this year many just leave. For good. And that's the hazard of international life. One of the toughest, actually. And so I will build my CABIN while I stay, at least until I'm the one going.

And I will cling to these two strong words: "But You..." from Psalm 3. 

• are good.
• work all things for my good.
• never change.
• are still on the throne.
• are my portion.
• won't forsake me.
• don't make mistakes.

Hallelujah!

"But You _______________." How would you fill in the blank? Leave it in the comments!

It's Winter Here

Winter in New Jersey: 2013

There is a chill in the air. I light a candle and pour a cup of tea. It's quiet here {this very minute. I'm sure the baby will cry any minute}.

I've always felt that the season of life with infants is similar to winter. I gave birth to my first born on November 30, the cusp of winter in New Jersey. And enjoyed my maternity leave cozied up with my first baby. My second was born in June, and was an entirely different experience {a story for another day. let me just say that I am grateful we were not cooped up for months on end with him}. And then my third was born in December in the states during our Homeland Ministry Assignment. In July I had Rebekah here in Uganda- the land of eternal summer- and it still feels like winter around here. Don't get me wrong, I love babies. And I will be the first to admit I hate winter {Thank You, Lord, for sending me to tropical Uganda}. So the metaphor isn't perfect, but bear with me.

Winter is a particularly intense season. Harsh temperatures, violent storms, immensely happy holidays... not all bad things, just intense. Seasonal depression is a real thing- so is postpartum depression. Some days are just long, and hard, and threaten to suck the life out of you. Oh, and the getting ready to leave the house. Don't even get me started. All you want to do is stay inside and snuggle.

Shaker Village: 2013

You must be prepared for winter. You stock up on survival items. You cook warm, nourishing foods. You celebrate with family. You lean in to your home life. You always have a warm mug of something in your hands. It is a simple season, where you focus on the things that really matter.

And even in nature things lie dormant, keeping the most minimal energies flowing. Trees do not produce fruit in the winter. And so I give myself grace. I lean in to the beauties of this season and I do not demand much fruit from my days. I feast on the stores I laid up in the years before this baby. And I trust that spring will come again, as it always does.

Are you in a place where it's winter? Read this.
I'm linking up at The Grove on the word: metaphor

How else is life with a baby like winter? Leave it in the comments!

Celebrate {in}dependence

I'm over here joining the party at The Grove. Waving my flag... can you see it? It's the one in the middle. Yep. The white one.

I'm celebrating freedom this week. Not the independence type of freedom, but the upside-kingdom type of freedom... freedom {in} dependence on Him!  And it is such a relief.

He has been extending me {and you} an invitation to the promised land- a land flowing with milk and honey, a land of security, a land of peace and joy... this is what sanctification looks like: a life wholly possessed by God.  He longs for us to cease striving, to give up our independence, to surrender all. He is calling us to just breathe and live in love with Him, right here.  All that He asks is for us to love Him, to walk in obedience to Him and to hold fast to His hand.  He does all the rest! He even causes us to desire Him and gives the ability to obey!  It's all Him!  Hallelujah!

A few truths I'm learning to celebrate since attending Thrive Retreat:

• Truth #1: He just wants me to walk with Him in love, holding fast to His hand- to do the things I see Him doing, to heed the small prompts of His Spirit, and to only take up what He lays upon me each day. His yoke is easy, and His burden is light.

• Truth #2: I am His temple, the place He has chosen His name to abide, His dwelling place. And so all that I do in this body can be my offering. I can rejoice in all to which I put my hand.

• Truth #3: He wants to enlarge my borders- He is the God of freedom! Within His walls I am absolutely free to do whatever I please, because He is within me. My delight in His gifts brings joy to His heart.  Even my care for this "temple" {self-care, rest, exercise, healthy eating, getting a shower} ministers to Him.

• Truth #4: Service then becomes overflow of the heart. I want to please Him, because I adore Him and enjoy Him. He fills and fills as I allow Him to take care of me and then my cup runneth over! Pure gift.

• Truth #5: Since it's all Him, I can ask for help. I need Him and I need others. Dependence is good for me and good for community.

I'm overwhelmed today by His grace and goodness. And kicking myself for making this Christian life harder than He ever intended. Let's get this party started!

{The Scriptures inspiring these thoughts come from our daily reading in the Autumn Harvest Challenge. Deuteronomy 10:8, Deuteronomy 11:22-24, Deuteronomy 12:5-7, Psalm  44:8}

Stay tuned tomorrow for Celebrating Community!

What are you celebrating today? Leave a comment!

Goodbye {at the Grove}

Just three weeks in to our second term and the goodbyes are still fresh in our minds.  The grief still raw.  That hug from my dad as he whispers "i hate this".  The sight of my family waving from the porch of the house I knew as my Mommom Rambo's... and my kids know as Grandma Laurie's...  A kiss on the forehead of my one-year old niece who will only remember me as a face on the computer screen.  It. is. so. hard.

And yet, there are all these other things we say goodbye to as we move to a foreign country.  Things we may not realize we needed to say goodbye to- and things we must take time to grieve- so that we can move forward in health.  Here a few that come to mind {please add your thoughts and additions in the comments} in no particular order:

• TV channels.
• meetings starting on time
• privacy
• feeling capable (i.e. knowing how to do simple things like how to set up my phone and have service, or how to buy cornstarch)
• everyone understanding my American-English
• ease of driving
• sidewalks
• free public parks
• being anonymous (i.e. not being stared at)
• convenience foods (i.e. not making everything from scratch, even cream of something soup to add to a casserole)
• one stop shopping
• consistent electricity and internet
• wearing shorts in public
• not having to do time zone math before I text a friend
• sleeping without a mosquito net

I'm sure there are many more.  I'm sure there are deeper ones I haven't processed yet.  But He is worth it all. this is on repeat.

loosing its grip...

it was a bit of vacation from a harsh winter this weekend- temperatures soared into the 50's and my soul soared with them.  it was pure delight to get outside and bask in  the  sunshine.  it felt like my soul could breathe again. 

winter has yet to relinquish its grasp on the Northeast, but there are sweet signs that spring is on its way. the dry, crisp leaves from the year gone by skitter across my path- cheerily waving goodbye to winter. the trees are beginning to bud.  the robins fight the canadian geese for possession of the school yard.  the snow melt cascades down the drain, gurgling and sloshing.  and the sun. the sun warms my face and my soul.

the spring always gives me such hope.  and as we raise our funds and look toward May 1, I can't help but have a peace and hope that He will do it.  He will bring in the remaining funds.  Where is He asking you to have faith? what promise are you clinging to today?

here is a quote to ponder:

"The spring comes slowly down this way; but the great thing is that the corner has been turned. There is, of course, this difference, that in the natural spring the crocus cannot choose whether it will respond or not. We can. We have the power either of withstanding the spring, and sinking back into the cosmic winter, or of going on into those ‘high mid-summer pomps’ in which our Leader, the Son of man, already dwells, and to which He is calling us. It remains with us to follow or not, to die in this winter, or to go on into that spring and that summer." -C.S. Lewis

Are you content to stay where you are?  Or are you willing to go where He leads?  

Simplicity

We visited Shaker Village while we were in Kentucky this November.  The beauty and simplicity of that time and place are still haunting me.  Stunning colors.  Clean lines.  Everyday objects turned into art as the sun shines just right...

 

And this post.  I can't get it out of my head.  This is what I want for winter.  I've been mulling it over for weeks... this beautiful idea of simplicity.  Everywhere I turn there is much.  My things.  The boys' toys.  The rest of the family's belongings.  Marketing noise.  Holiday extravagance.  Gluttonous amounts of food.  I almost want to shout, "enough!".  Because, really, we already have enough.  But I still find myself adding things to my wish list.  I savor one bite too many of some American treat.  I read about getting rid of all the toys and I am tempted to join her madness.   But then wonder if I really have the courage to do something so brazen. 

When will my head and my heart agree?  How do I echo Paul, who said "I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (Philippians 4:12)?  Where is the line between appreciating every good gift He gives, and clamoring for more?

I am looking forward to the arrival of our sweet baby girl in the next 6 weeks- a forced retreat from the hectic schedule- a reduction of life to bare essentials.{Remind me of this in about 8 weeks}  I hope that it is a sweet exhaustion- a beautiful sacrifice-  a joyous celebration of life at its purest. 

I really do believe less is more.  That every home needs some empty spaces, some visual rest.  I miss that about our home in Uganda.  And yet, I am here filling up tote after tote with things I think I can't live without.   It is a struggle.  But a beautiful one, where I hope to find the right balance for me, my family and our home. 

Where do you land on the simplicity spectrum?  Are you already overwhelmed by the holiday marketing?  Black Friday?  How do you set limits? 

Fall in America

We are totally enjoying filling our fall bucket list!  Hayrides. Pumpkin carving. Watching the leaves.  It's been so fun doing all these autumnal rituals with these boys who won't see fall again for four years!  I'm sad for our baby girl who will have no idea what seasons are in the North American sense... her idea of seasons will be rainy or dry.  But then we get the fun of introducing her to all the amazing seasons when she is four! 

This road trip was perfectly timed to enjoy all these fun fall things, in the midst of crazy ministry among our champions and churches!  It will definitely be a trip we will never forget!  If you missed the link to our Autumn Bucket List it's here!

Autumn Bucket List! #tbt

The beauty of Uganda is that we live in the land of eternal summer.  The challenge of Uganda is that we live in the land of eternal summer.  When September rolls around and it's still warm in Uganda... I start roasting pumpkins, and making my DIY Pumpkin Spice syrup... Check out this post on how we celebrate Thanksgiving in Uganda, since it is throwback Thursday!  #tbt

All that to say: I love that we are traveling in the fall!  The colors are so pretty!  The flavors are so warm and delicious!  I printed out THIS FREE Printable Autumn Bucket List to make sure we don't miss out on any of the fall fun! 

There are 101 ideas.  Some of them we won't be able to make happen since we are on the road, others are Christmas prep that we won't get to until we get home in November- but it is a great starting point! 

We've already got a few things checked off our list:

• Make s'mores.
• Take a nature hike.
• Go to the park.
• Play in the leaves.

What's on your fall bucket list? Anything we MUST do while we're in America for the fall?  Leave a comment!

Gratitude on the Road

Gratitude receives everything as a gift.  Our first week on the road is well underway, and going great!  But if it hadn't been going well, there would still be things to be thankful for.  And that makes all the difference!  It doesn't hurt that we are traveling through beautiful country during my favorite time of year.  I hope you don't get tired of my autumnal photographs.





my list in snapshots this week

 

Snapshot from the Road

fall.  the colors arrest me.  i could almost see the leaves change as we drove by.  it was as though we were driving through a painting.  He is an Artist.  every bend in the road brought more vibrant colors as we traveled through the hills of Pennsylvania.  He just took my breath away.  leaving you with this lovely snapshot on a Saturday morning.  praying you see His handiwork everywhere you turn.