The Rhythms that Steady Us

Picnic under the tree: 2022

We've been in our Miracle House in Wilmore for two and a half years now. There are days when it feels like we left Uganda yesterday and days when it seems like we've lived here forever. Time is weird... growing kids are weird too. Caleb is a junior, Seth is a sophomore, Elizabeth is in fourth grade and Bekah is in third. I am in my second year of seminary and still working on getting my Mental Health Counseling degree. I hope to graduate the same year as Seth. Josh and I are still working for the Francis Asbury Society. 

I was leading a parenting support group for class this semester and one of the skills I taught was having a gratitude practice. Preparing for that session sent me back to my gift list tag here on our blog. I haven't kept up with the numbering of my gratitude. And I miss it. Looking back hit me deep in the feels. And made me realize how steadying and life-giving that practice is. 

Our kids are also growing so fast. I can't believe Caleb will be a senior next year. We still open advent envelopes each day, and we will picnic under the Christmas tree again this year. But the minutes with all four under our roof are finite and dwindling rapidly. Our advent envelopes are a tradition that steady us and hopefully steady our kids when they begin families of their own. 

I left off on my gift list at #8029... so I'll pick up there and keep counting. It's never too late to return to rhythms that steady you. {speaking of returning- that was my word for the year - so maybe I'll write about that soon}

8030. all four kids laughing and playing in the basement of FAS

8031. seeing the Coppedges at church

8032. breakfast sandwiches after church

8033. friends who feel like family

8034. the glow of the Christmas tree 

8035. our growing collection of ornaments- like a trip down memory lane

8036. the gift of returning

8037. thousands of photos- invitations to return 

8038. the scent of cinnamon rolls fresh from the oven

8039. a circle of parents finding strength in one another's company

8040. the honor of bearing witness to stories of pain and triumph

 

and yet...

house renovation josh's working on 

crumbling plaster. cracked wooden floors. weary muscles. sore hands. fall into bed bone weary. sleep. wake up to it all again. josh puts in 40 hours of hard labor (and keeps up with his seminary) and yet- this is the "for now provision", not a "forever solution".  

math. handwriting. making lunches. solving sibling squabbles and soothing raw emotions. menu planning. mountains of laundry. mine is a 24/7 job of motherhood and yet- they are here and they are ours....friends of ours are grieving the deepest loss imaginable, their son just 11 years old. and I just cook and pray, sweep and pray, wake in the night and pray that Jesus meets them and carries them and brings good out of such tragedy. 

I'm re-reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's been 10+ years since I read it last and I didn't quite need a theology of suffering then like I do now. And it is perfect. I'll do a 2020 book post next!

in these dark days of advent where loss is everywhere and holidays will not look the same as they used to, when I am so happy to be near family this year and missing our Uganda people and traditions (and weather, let's be honest) I need some anchors for my soul. our Jesse tree and advent wreath. our advent envelopes. lighting a candle each morning to be with Jesus. writing a gift list (not what I want... but what He has already given). and reading honest books. it's all so hard. there is so much grief and loss and suffering and political and racial tension and yet- these are the things giving me life right now. 

though wars rage and loved ones die, though we are grieving the loss of our life and ministry in Uganda and don't know where the Lord is leading us, yet we know He is here and we will rejoice that He is near to the broken-hearted.

what's been giving you life these days?

Grateful

photo credit: Taylor Radovich

The days are long. The responsibilities are many. The weight feels heavy. But we do not live like those without hope. There isn't any one thing going on- no single problem that I can point to and tell you THIS. It's a lot of little things (that are not all bad): our firstborn turning 13, working more days so Josh can get his seminary work done and do his WGM Uganda HR duties, baking, hosting, praying, parenting, marriage... your list goes on like mine.

I'm already in melancholy advent mode- feeling the weight of the world as we wait with longing for the day when He sets all things right. And Advent is just around the corner, but first Thanksgiving!



So I'm writing a different list:

photo credit: Taylor Radovich

8012. linking arms with a fellow warrior and letting her cover me in prayer
8013. Your daughters raising hands and voices in prayer and surrender
8014. Women getting set FREE!
8015. friends here.
8016. middle schooler getting saved!
8017. pumpkin spice VIA from a friend
8018. Waiting Songs by Rain for Roots
8019. cinnamon bun day
8020. Josh and Caleb off on a guys adventure day for his 13th
8021. singing in a choir again. it's been too long
8022. stories of Your faithfulness
8023. the perfect playlist for the ride home from retreat
8024. a miracle happening before our eyes- voice in the mic after three weeks without a voice!
8025. the smell of the girls freshly washed hair
8026. Boy Meets World with our boys
8027. homemade ricotta cheese
8028. teenage girls sitting around a table discussing how to shift perspective on mundane days
8029. the radical change that happens when I shift from "I have to..." to "I get to..." it's all privilege.

photo credit: Taylor Radovich
the team for Journey Together Retreat

It's All So Hard...

tumultuous. torrential. the tears keep falling. like a river down my cheeks. it's all so hard.

sick kids on Christmas Eve. missing family and friends back home. missing the family that used to serve alongside us here in Uganda. parenting a two-year-old.  grieving with friends who are walking a dark path. I'm carrying the weight of grief like a shroud. it's heavy. and exhausting.

it's all so hard...

and so I curl up in the lap of the One who knows. the One who never leaves. and He whispers tender and strong: "come, weary one, with your heavy burden and I will give you rest. take Me yoke upon you and learn from Me. for I am gentle and humble in heart... roll that heavy burden on My strong back. I never intended you to carry it alone. Share it with Me, and with trusted friends who will lift you up. light a candle. remember that the darkness won't win. and one glorious day all will be made right. keep longing for that day. this world is not your home."

In the background I overhear the kids' advent album- and take a deep breath. it's not all magically fixed. but I'm feeling the pain, not jumping ahead to the hunt for the silver lining. and this is progress.

these quiet days between Christmas and New Year are perfect for letting Him in. don't miss the gifts of solitude and slow, of pain and grief. where are you at the close of this year? how can I help carry your burden? we're in this together. and He has already won.

He still comes...

"Sing and rejoice, O daughter of Zion! For behold, I am coming and I will dwell in your midst" says the Lord. Many nations shall be joined to the Lord in that day, and they shall become My people. And I will dwell in your midst. Then you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent Me to you. And the Lord will take possession of Judah as His inheritance in the Holy Land and will again choose Jerusalem. Be silent, all flesh, before the Lord..." -Zechariah 2:10-13

He came and still comes and will come again. To us. In the midst of our mess. So grateful for an oasis of calm in the middle of a beautiful, busy season. This is the heart of Advent.



First Coming
by Madeleine L’Engle

He did not wait till the world was ready,
till men and nations were at peace.
He came when the Heavens were unsteady,
and prisoners cried out for release.

He did not wait for the perfect time.
He came when the need was deep and great.
He dined with sinners in all their grime,
turned water into wine. He did not wait

till hearts were pure. In joy he came
to a tarnished world of sin and doubt.
To a world like ours, of anguished shame
he came, and his Light would not go out.

He came to a world which did not mesh,
to heal its tangles, shield its scorn.
In the mystery of the Word made Flesh
the Maker of the stars was born.

We cannot wait till the world is sane
to raise our songs with joyful voice,
for to share our grief, to touch our pain,
He came with Love: Rejoice! Rejoice!

Hope is seeking...

"We may at times be able to show the world Christ in moments when all can clearly discern in history, some confirmation of the Christian message. But the fact remains that our task is to seek and find Christ in our world as it is, and not as it might be. 

The fact that the world is other than it might be does not alter the truth that Christ is present in it and that His plan has been neither frustrated nor changed: indeed, all will be done according to His will. 

Our Advent is a celebration of this hope."            -Thomas Merton

This quote has been percolating in my soul this advent, and I am praying not only to believe it but to live it. 

linking up at the grove for the first time in awhile. this week's word is: seek.

She is Here!

and we are so in love.  this sweet girl has captured our hearts and won't let go!  Elizabeth Anne Hallahan was born on December 19, 2013 weighing 7lbs 7oz, and measuring 21 1/4" long. we are smitten. love is in the air on December 19... as it also happens to be our wedding anniversary.

Josh's status says it all:

9 years ago today I married the love of my life. Today another girl has joined us and stolen my heart. Elizabeth Anne Hallahan has entered the world and is doing great.

Thank you for praying for us and carrying us this pregnancy, and now as we enter a new season of family life.    We're grateful.

eagerly waiting...

"For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now.  Not only that, but we also who have the first-fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body.  For we are saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?  But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.  Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses..." -Romans 8:22-26

In our Jesse Tree reading, Sarai laughed when God told her she would bear a son in her old age.  The people of God waited decades and centuries for the fulfillment of the prophecy of the Messiah.  We are a people still waiting His return. 

I am awaiting the birth of this baby girl, who will eventually come- I am not going to miss it.  Josh and I (and many colleagues) are waiting to be released from our Homeland Ministry Assignment to return to Uganda.  I have friends who are waiting for the gift of marriage, the blessing of children, the word of a job offer... Waiting is hard!! 

When we don't immediately see the fulfillment, or when we feel like the waiting will.never.end... we are tempted to doubt His goodness.  But the waiting is for a purpose.  He is at work behind the scenes. 

I love our tradition of Advent Envelopes- it is an encouraging visual for my children to see that there are a finite amount of days until Christmas.  But God doesn't want us to remain children forever- He desires our growth and maturity.  He is wooing us to Himself in the waiting.  He knows we are weak- so He sends His Spirit to help us wait. 

And what I love is that He doesn't call us to "pretty waiting"... there is nothing lovely about groaning and laboring... He calls us to eagerly wait.  We can trust His goodness toward us.  If He has given you a word or a promise- He will bring it to pass.  He will!  I don't know what you're waiting for today, but I do know that His word says, "The Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly." -Psalm 84:11

And as His waiting people we can rejoice: He is coming again- Maranatha- Come, quickly, Lord Jesus! 

Life is Advent.

"Be alert, be alert, so that you will be able to recognize your Lord in your husband, your wife, your parents, your children, your friends, your teachers, but also in all you read in the daily papers.  The Lord is coming, always coming.  When you have ears to hear and eyes to see, you will recognize Him at any moment of your life.  Life is Advent; life is recognizing the coming of the Lord." -Henri Nouwen

These are exceptional days of waiting.  Not only do we await the coming of the Christ-child, and the second coming of our Lord and King- but our family awaits the arrival of our sweet baby and the day when we will be released from our Homeland Ministry Assignment to return to Uganda.  In all the waiting it is easy to grow impatient.  When we fix our eyes only on what is to come, we miss what is already here. 

Feeling sick as I enter the final days and weeks of pregnancy has caused me to grow weary of the waiting.  Wondering how the Lord will raise up our team of champions and if there is anything more we could be doing make these days feel like we're in a holding pattern.  But He is here.  He is at work in our midst.  My body is doing what it needs to in preparation for labor and delivery.  Our prayers are being heard and our presence is being used to build our support team.  I just need to open my eyes and look for the evidence of His coming in each moment. 

And so I count all the ways I see Him coming:

7495.  crib. closet organizer. itty bitty diapers. getting ready.

7501.  big bumps and kicks and hiccups. this life within me.

7509.  early morning solitude- a limited gift.  baby is coming soon!
7510.  3 cm on December 5.
7511.  how marvelously You made a woman's body to carry and bring forth life.
7512.  how You are preparing me.

7517.  victory in Caleb's thumb-sucking habit
7518.  Seth taking good care of his sick mama
7519.  date night with my man. delicious latte. a quiet moment alone.
7520.  a fresh perspective on waiting
7521.  all the moments I'll find You coming today

Simplicity Links

Apparently everyone wants in on the simplicity train this Christmas... here are some great links for you this week! 

• Simplify the Holidays.  Great resource!
• Keep Christmas Simple!  from Tsh at Art of Simple.
• Simple Advent.  from Joy at Grace Full Mama
• Picture Perfect, and the Struggle... from  Lemonade Makin' Mama
• 5 Gifts No Child Should be Without.  Simple Gifts Ideas.  from Steady Mom

Shadow Hanging Over Christmas?

We have been walking with Scott and Meg through the valley of the shadow of death the past two weeks.

The battle has raged.  Death hangs overhead.  Darkness crouches at our doorstep.  But we are a people of hope!  He has already won the victory!

He is Emmanuel~ God-With-Us~ even here in the shadows.  His hand was all over that day.  And it declares in Isaiah 9, that He will use garments rolled in blood to fuel the fire of passion for the nations!  Even this death can accomplish His purposes.  We don't have to walk in the gloom and anguish forever- a light has shone in our darkness!

I'm not feeling as merry and bright this Christmas as I usually do.  And maybe there is a shadow hanging over your Christmas this year too.  Here are some ways to push back the darkness and bask in the glow of the Light of the World:

1. Light a candle.  be still and remember He is the light.  "The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; Those who dwelt in the land of the shadow of death, upon them a light has shined." -Isaiah 9:2
2. Give thanks. for He is always good.  "He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death, and broke their chains in pieces.  Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness..." -Psalm 107:14-15
3. Focus on others.  He will meet you there.  "If you extend your soul to the hungry, and satisfy the afflicted soul, then your light shall dawn in the darkness, and your darkness shall be as the noonday.  The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your soul in drought..." -Isaiah 58:10-11
4. Arise.  allow the Lord to minister to your heart and bring healing, then arise. there is a season for sitting down in mourning and a season for getting up.  "Arise, shine, for your light has come!  And the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.  For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and deep darkness the people; but the Lord will arise over you, and His glory will be seen upon you." -Isaiah 60:1-2
5. Praise Him! for He is always worthy.  "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness, and into His marvelous light." -I Peter 2:9

Is there a shadow lurking over your Christmas this year?  
Leave a comment- I would love to pray for you today. 

Merry and Bright!

"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.  With every Christmas card I write.

May your days be merry and bright... and may all your Christmases be white..."

We've got the "merry and bright" down!  It's the white Christmas we're missing.  But we're right where He wants us, and that is all that matters!  Praying you bask in the glow of family, love, and Jesus this day and always! 

Missing Him...

"The Word became flesh and dwelt among us..." -John 1:14

I want to see God.  I have this crazy notion that an hour of quiet time is where I will find Him.  I so often desire a heavenly vision- some glowing, glory moment- an incredible hour of solitude- an emotional, intimate prayer time.

And I miss Him because He comes unexpectedly... clothed in skin just like He did 2,000 years ago.  His people are still missing Him, I'm still missing Him, even though we've seen His M.O. before.  He came, not in a cloud of glory on a white steed, but wearing soft, pink skin in a feeding trough.  Utterly human.

"the work we do is only our love for Jesus in action, writes Mother Theresa.  if we pray the work... if we do it to Jesus... that's what makes us content."  that is what makes us content- the contented, deep joy is always in the touching of Christ- in whatever skin He comes to us in. -Ann Voskamp

I keep thinking if I get this quiet time thing right, I'll finally be holy.   But He doesn't just come in the quiet moments, He comes in the faces before us each day.  He is present in every moment, not just the holy ones.  And the glorious thing is- He comes in the mundane moments too.  If I will just see Him, He can transform those mundane moments into holy ones. 

Serve your kids, and you can serve Jesus.  Love on your husband, and you can love Him.  Each cup of cold water, or Christmas cookie- can be an offering to God.  If you do it for Him, He will tear down the wall between the sacred and the secular- and make all of your life His.

It's not nearly as tricky or complicated as I've been trying to make it.  I've been missing His face, because I didn't recognize His skin. 

Engaged!

He stands. Waiting.  Dressed in his tuxedo best.  Just then a hush falls over the crowd gathered.  She is here.  At last...The doors open, all the eyes are on her, the bride.  She is radiant.  Her eyes fixed on him.   At long last the day had finally come when the two would become one flesh.  And someday our Heavenly Groom will come for you and for me. 


"Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His wife has made herself ready..."  -Revelation 19:7

Advent.  It's a season of preparation.  Last week I came to the realization that I've been living disengaged lately.  So as I was wrestling through what engagement looks like, I glanced down at my wedding ring.

Engaged!  Betrothed.  I am His beloved and He is coming back for me someday!  A woman who is engaged is dreaming of the day she marries her man, planning her wedding day, and preparing to be a good wife.  She is making herself ready.

Why aren't we, His Bride, making ourselves ready for His coming?  If you and I want to live fully engaged, we must put away our lesser loves and be completely His.  This season of engagement and preparation is meant to be glorious!  He is wooing us to Himself.

the Now and Not Yet

The magic of Christmas is not in the presents... but in His Presence.

"I am with you in all that you do, in even the most menial task... However, your awareness of My Presence falters and flickers..." -Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

"Behold, the virgin shall be with child, and bear a Son, and they shall call His name Immanuel, which is translated, "God with us." -Matthew 1:23

"And, behold, I am coming quickly..." -Revelation 22:12

He is here with us.  And yet, He is coming again.  Such a paradox!  On this 2nd Sunday of Advent dwell on the reality and depth of the "now and not yet".  

All alone.

“Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
Will bring her into the wilderness,And speak comfort to her." -Hosea 2:14

There are some things you can only learn in the wilderness of solitude.  
His Presence is sweet when there are no others to run to.  He wants me all to Himself.  
For that I am grateful.

I'm not here.

"What I search for in My children is an awakened soul that thrills to the joy of My presence..." -Sarah Young, Jesus Calling

My soul is anything but awake.  Sleeping?  Distracted?  Busy?  Divided?  Bored?  Distant?

Perhaps.

What is it that keeps my soul from thrilling at the joy of His presence????  Is there some idol-smashing that needs to happen?  Is there some little god on the throne of my soul?  Somewhere along the line I've failed to love Him with my whole heart.  I've been so distracted lately.  mindless.  just going through the motions..  I get a glimmer of awareness.  a flash of peace and joy.  then it disappears and I'm back to zoning out.   I've disengaged.  that's it.  I'm not all here. 

Yet, still He calls me to enter in.  Engage.  Here. Present.  Receiving.  Feeling.  I need to log off the internet and log into my own life and the people here.  I've been distant from Him, friends and family.

This Advent He beckons.  Awake.  Get ready.  Enter in.  Will you join me?  Wednesdays of Advent I'll post some more thoughts on how to live awake, what Advent really means for our hearts, and how to stay engaged.  But otherwise it'll be pretty quiet around here.  I need to re-engage in real life. 

Counting the days...

our Advent Envelopes

like a giddy child counts the days and minutes until Christmas, i find myself counting as well.  not days, or even minutes- but moments... gifts.

who says you have to wait until Christmas to open your gifts? when you have a heavenly Father, you can unwrap gifts daily.

i'm not saying that every day is sunny and unblemished.  there is pain and poverty all around us.  but what I am saying is: there are gifts to be found even on the bad days, if we have eyes to see and hands open to receive. 

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory..." I Peter 1:6-8

Our days may be filled with busyness, weariness, or pain- but in this fact we can rejoice: the revelation of Jesus Christ.  If He is being revealed in me more and more- it doesn't matter what my circumstances are.  If He shines more brightly in my weariness than in my strength- I can rejoice in that.  

And so I keep counting, unwrapping gifts daily like a little kid {#7022-7039}

7022.  apple pie making with friends.  making it feel like home.
7023.  Scott here to roll out the pie crust
7024.  Josh doing dishes.
7025.  Jo peeling apples with me.
7026.  Meg doing the crumble topping.
7027.  gorgeous apple pie.  our mom would be proud.

7028.  3 gifts bright: candles, sunshine on a fun day, the smile of a friend.
7029.  a sweet family night. chocolate chip pancakes. games. Jesse tree story.

7030.  date day with my man- out for coffee at Beans Cafe!
7031.  time away to really talk and enjoy each others company
7032.  sound of rain pounding on our roof.
7033.  cool bluster of wind through the window
7034.  earthy smell of rain suddenly descending

7035.  Your presence in each moment.
7036.  how You surprise me.
7037.  the way You renew me.
7038.  You putting on skin.  stooping from heaven. coming down.
7039.  rain washing the earth.  like tears.  we've broken Your heart, and still You come to us.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!  We are so grateful for you and your investment in the kingdom here in Uganda!  May we await His Second Coming expectantly and faithfully!  Watch this video today and join us in celebrating the One who came and is coming again!



Advent: God With Us from The Village Church on Vimeo.

Traditions: Old, New, Modified.

Keeping tradition helps us stay grounded as a family during the holidays.  I am so grateful for the things we can look forward to year after year that make it feel like Christmas.  Year after year, God's people kept feasts and celebrations, they rejoiced in shadows of things to come, waiting. always waiting.  And so we wait, expectantly, celebrating One who has come! And will come again!  Come, quickly Lord Jesus! 

Counting the ways He blesses through traditions:

#5246 Gingerbread houses.  They have been a constant for us since Caleb was a toddler.   I usually cheat and use graham crackers as the walls and roof.  This year we had to modify, hence, gingerbread house cookies were born (thanks Vanessa!).  They were so delicious we weren't even sad that they didn't stand up! 

#5247.  Being a part of an international community.  We are excited to adopt new traditions of around the world.  On Wednesday we went to a Mom and Kids Christmas Party and made Christingels, a British tradition from the Anglican church.  It was a sweet time as we contemplated the world (the orange), Jesus' love that encircles the whole world (red ribbon), His light and His goodness to us (candies and candle).  Then we paused to think of loved ones around the world that we miss and who we want to experience His love this Christmas.  It was so precious to stop and remember the ones we are far away from and pray for them.  A new tradition born!

#5248.  Fun things we can only do in Uganda at Christmas-time- like playing water guns, going to the pool, and eating ice cream!

#5249.  New traditions of our own here in Uganda.  We want to make sure we are celebrating and worshiping Jesus, and so we are trying new ways to bring His light to the people around us.  If you want to be challenged on your own Christmas traditions, read this blog post.  

#5250.  Celebrating in Arua with my brother and his family.  So we also get to participate in their traditions!  Meg has been doing some fun advent devotions with the boys- this one is the angels appearing to the shepherds!

#5251.  Food.   So important part of any celebration!   And I wanted to find some type of Christmas candy to make- and wafer candy was born!  Everything back in the states is made with Oreos or Ritz these days- so I found a wafer cookie that is in all our grocery stores here.  I chopped them into squares and dipped them in melted Cadbury chocolate!  Perfect!

How are celebrating this year?  What traditions do you have that keep Jesus in the middle of the festivities?