The Rhythms that Steady Us

Picnic under the tree: 2022

We've been in our Miracle House in Wilmore for two and a half years now. There are days when it feels like we left Uganda yesterday and days when it seems like we've lived here forever. Time is weird... growing kids are weird too. Caleb is a junior, Seth is a sophomore, Elizabeth is in fourth grade and Bekah is in third. I am in my second year of seminary and still working on getting my Mental Health Counseling degree. I hope to graduate the same year as Seth. Josh and I are still working for the Francis Asbury Society. 

I was leading a parenting support group for class this semester and one of the skills I taught was having a gratitude practice. Preparing for that session sent me back to my gift list tag here on our blog. I haven't kept up with the numbering of my gratitude. And I miss it. Looking back hit me deep in the feels. And made me realize how steadying and life-giving that practice is. 

Our kids are also growing so fast. I can't believe Caleb will be a senior next year. We still open advent envelopes each day, and we will picnic under the Christmas tree again this year. But the minutes with all four under our roof are finite and dwindling rapidly. Our advent envelopes are a tradition that steady us and hopefully steady our kids when they begin families of their own. 

I left off on my gift list at #8029... so I'll pick up there and keep counting. It's never too late to return to rhythms that steady you. {speaking of returning- that was my word for the year - so maybe I'll write about that soon}

8030. all four kids laughing and playing in the basement of FAS

8031. seeing the Coppedges at church

8032. breakfast sandwiches after church

8033. friends who feel like family

8034. the glow of the Christmas tree 

8035. our growing collection of ornaments- like a trip down memory lane

8036. the gift of returning

8037. thousands of photos- invitations to return 

8038. the scent of cinnamon rolls fresh from the oven

8039. a circle of parents finding strength in one another's company

8040. the honor of bearing witness to stories of pain and triumph

 

One: 2018

Do you have a word for 2018 yet? I love having a focus each year to guide my thoughts, goals and spiritual growth. Last year my word was "abide" and it was a rich season. And this year my word is "one".

The quote that led me to this word is from Mother Theresa:

"I never look at the masses as my responsibility. I look only at the individual. I can love only one person at a time. Just one, one, one. You get closer to Christ by coming closer to each other." -Mother Theresa

I was convicted by the thought that I can only love one person at a time... because sadly the one person I'm loving in any given moment is my self. I can only love you right now, or me. And while I agree that the Great Commandment says to love others as you love yourself... it has to be in the proper order.

Love God (and receive His love for you), then out of the fullness of that love, love others as you love yourself. It's a total reorientation. A shift in focus. Already the idea of loving one person at a time has helped me in my family life, my ministry and my business. Can't wait to see how it will transform my year.

And the word "one" can go in so many directions! Can't wait to see where it takes me as I walk through the Scriptures this year- already I'm thinking... that man and woman were to be one (leaving and cleaving), there was only one fruit from one tree Adam and Eve were forbidden to eat, one thing you lack, one way to the Father, Jesus prayer that we would be one as He and the Father are one... what are some Scriptures that come to your mind when you hear the word "one"?

Do you have a word yet? How did you do keeping up with your word last year?

When we bump up against our limits

Pouring out:
Serving communion at
Elementary School
Spiritual Emphasis Week

On Wednesday I preached at Middle and High School chapels about abiding... about how much power and freedom there is when we abide... about the beauty and the peace that come when we stop striving and rest in what He has already accomplished {which is everything}... and then there was Thursday.

I've come to realize I'm not a short fuse person- I have a very long fuse... however, once you reach the end: look out. I can be patient and obliging for a long time. I have heaps of grace and appreciation for this very different culture I live in. Until I don't. When I just want my babies to see the doctor {at the time they told me to come in} or get their cavity filled or have a date lunch with my husband and everything conspires against me. Or so it feels. I know this is a bit dramatic. But yesterday it felt dramatic.

Our weekly routine has shifted now that I'm working part-time at our kids' school. And I am around more people more often than I was our last term. And I feel the need to be much more intentional with my kids when I am home. These realities may be slowly draining my very friendly, introverted self.

And yet. He is keeping me... when I let Him. There are days when you know much will be demanded of you- when you are pouring and pouring- and you take the time you need for Him to fill you. But then there are days like Thursday when things don't seem like a big deal, and then the little one is up at 4:59am, and you just don't get that time. And all morning you find yourself bumping up against your humanity and your self and your limits. Empty.

It's not pretty. But the discovery of who I am when left to my own devices throws me on His grace. Seeing my self in all its selfish, impatient, angry blaze humbles me. And John 15 comes flooding back like conviction and hope mixed together: "apart from Me you can do nothing" {John 15:5} which then means "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."{Philippians 4:13}.

Studying the Enneagram, we can "learn how to recognize and dis-identify with the parts of our personalities that limit us so we can be reunited with our truest and best selves, that 'pure diamond, blazing with the invisible light of heaven,' as Thomas Merton said.

That's the blaze I want glowing within me. And I can only get there when I abide in Him, and allow Him to shine His light on those broken and fallen places within me.

linking up today at the Grove @Velvet Ashes:

Into the Desert

"living, rather than preaching, the presence of Christ in the world" -Charles de Foucald

"...their life is more or less hidden from the world..."

"It is inseparable in so many respects from that of their neighbors; but the life of prayer and devotion finds practical expression in their availability and hospitality to others..."

"The search for God- and God alone..."

these are the words that are guiding me as I ask God what He wants of me this lent.

After the winter holidays, festivity and feasting what my soul needs is fasting. And I could not be more excited about the book that will guide me this year. The Desert. I have always loved the wisdom of the desert fathers. This book is speaking my heart language.

And my word for the year, lean in, is also guiding my lenten practices. I am leaning out of facebook, so I can lean in to the relationships around me. I am leaning into the hiddenness of this season. I am not just seeking God in solitude, but also in availability and hospitality to others. I am leaning in to small, everyday moments via my instagram: #monochromaticlent. My goal this lenten season isn't to give up all kinds of crazy things, but to truly and intentionally live out my highest priorities on a daily basis.

It's Winter Here

Winter in New Jersey: 2013

There is a chill in the air. I light a candle and pour a cup of tea. It's quiet here {this very minute. I'm sure the baby will cry any minute}.

I've always felt that the season of life with infants is similar to winter. I gave birth to my first born on November 30, the cusp of winter in New Jersey. And enjoyed my maternity leave cozied up with my first baby. My second was born in June, and was an entirely different experience {a story for another day. let me just say that I am grateful we were not cooped up for months on end with him}. And then my third was born in December in the states during our Homeland Ministry Assignment. In July I had Rebekah here in Uganda- the land of eternal summer- and it still feels like winter around here. Don't get me wrong, I love babies. And I will be the first to admit I hate winter {Thank You, Lord, for sending me to tropical Uganda}. So the metaphor isn't perfect, but bear with me.

Winter is a particularly intense season. Harsh temperatures, violent storms, immensely happy holidays... not all bad things, just intense. Seasonal depression is a real thing- so is postpartum depression. Some days are just long, and hard, and threaten to suck the life out of you. Oh, and the getting ready to leave the house. Don't even get me started. All you want to do is stay inside and snuggle.

Shaker Village: 2013

You must be prepared for winter. You stock up on survival items. You cook warm, nourishing foods. You celebrate with family. You lean in to your home life. You always have a warm mug of something in your hands. It is a simple season, where you focus on the things that really matter.

And even in nature things lie dormant, keeping the most minimal energies flowing. Trees do not produce fruit in the winter. And so I give myself grace. I lean in to the beauties of this season and I do not demand much fruit from my days. I feast on the stores I laid up in the years before this baby. And I trust that spring will come again, as it always does.

Are you in a place where it's winter? Read this.
I'm linking up at The Grove on the word: metaphor

How else is life with a baby like winter? Leave it in the comments!

Stay at Home Mom?

They are chatting about "Home" over at Velvet Ashes this week. If you know anything about me, you know it's one of my favorite topics. I love decorating my home. I love opening up my home. I enjoy being home. I feed people at my home. I'm a stay-at-home-mom. It's my sweet spot. But even as I type those words... I feel that familiar whisper... that Holy Spirit nudge... "do you really stay at home? when you're there are you present?"

I've felt that conviction since November when I felt Him leading me to my one word for 2016. It's been an intense season for our family with two big boys (9 year old and 7 year old) and two little girls (2 year old and 6 month old currently), a hefty job title for my husband, and financial stress. And I must admit that while I was "staying at home" I was often pretty absent. Facebook can be a lifeline to our family and prayer supporters, but it can also be an escape route from the daily drudgery.

And so He asks me to "lean in". Lean into His presence- cry out for help, enjoy Him, join Him. Lean into this moment- stay present. Lean into the pain- don't run away or escape. Lean into authentic relationships- really engage real people face to face.

Maybe you're in a hard season- lean in. He will carry you through. Maybe you're a stay-at-home-mom who needs to lean in to her daily tasks with gusto and love her sweet babes fiercely. Maybe you see everyone's amazing lives on Facebook and wonder why you feel so lonely- lean in to one relationship in your real life and make that one person feel incredible.

I've got more thoughts and images on this one word (that's actually two, apparently I can't follow rules)... stay tuned. He is doing something very cool in my heart and I hope my story encourages you.

Getting grace for that...

I'm revisiting a great book called "Loving the Little Years" by Rachel Jankovic because I need a refresher! If you have little people, you should grab this book.

One phrase that has challenged and encouraged me is "...if I am willing to get the grace for it...". So often I look at all my responsibilities, all the people who need me, how much I am pouring out, and I get exasperated, and bitter. But that is only because I'm giving out of my own limited {very limited} resources, instead of out His abundance! If I enter each situation, and answer each request with the grace I've gotten from Him, I am able to do all that is required of me in this season.

Just like I can't fill each cup at the table without first filling the pitcher, I must run to Jesus with every request and ask Him to give me all I need to meet the needs around me. And this doesn't look like an hour-long prayer session! Often it sounds like a fervent cry for help as I rush to get the toddler off the table or nurse the baby for the eleventh time that hour {yes, I'm exaggerating!}.

I don't have much time in the Word these days, but Daily Light is brief and only Scripture around one theme a day! And just the other day I fell on these words: "Therefore, since we have this ministry as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart." -II Corinthians 4:1

I have this ministry of motherhood as I have received mercy- He has given me all I need to do this one job well. He has called me to tend His sheep; I just need to get the grace for that.

It would be so easy to lose heart in this intense season, but if I keep taking all I need from Him I won't run dry.

A Tale of Two Mornings {a lesson in grace and second chances}

Some days the cup of coffee is just not big enough.  True, I shouldn't even be drinking coffee in my pregnant state- but let's face it- this is baby #4.

So, yesterday came screaming to life with the sound of our baby girl in the monitor. at 5am. I climb out of bed. Wrestle my mosquito net. Drag my feet down the hall. All the while grumbling in my heart. Crank-City.

Now, if Jesus sweetly wakes me at 5am- that's one thing. If a needy child wakes me- it's an entirely different, ugly thing.

I trudged through the morning; everyone in this house was aware that I was not happy. Eventually I got some time with Jesus and He gently revealed {again} that this is the real me.

He has filled me with His Spirit, and whatever good things are in this heart are all HIM. Anything ugly that flows forth is me: sin-sick and selfish.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

And so 5am rolled around again today and baby girl was ready to party. I had a choice: start the day like I did yesterday and let self run the show, or press in and let Him do my living. Praise the Lord for second chances, and for opportunities to try again after we have failed! He is so good to us.

Friend, do you have a weakness you would rather hide?? I've done that- and the hiding gets lonely. Let's boast in those weaknesses- so that His power may rest on us today!

Here's to early mornings and second chances! Praying grace upon grace for your Monday.

One Word 365: Tend 2015

In my perfect world, I slip away on January 1st and spend the day in solitude, prayer, reflection and planning.

In my real world, it's January 12th and I'm stealing an hour during nap-time. It's not perfect, but it will have to do. It's a "partial solution", as Tsh Oxenreider would say.

My year of #here 2014 was such a success. That word met me pretty much everyday. I didn't stay present every moment, but I did a little better. And this year's word is just taking it to the next level.

Tend: to care for, to watch over, protect, nurture.

There are so many directions this word may go- tending a flock, tending a garden, tending a fire... but the one essential element in each of those tasks is paying attention and doing the work.  If the shepherd falls asleep, the sheep are at risk. If the gardener fails to water the plants, they will shrivel and die. If you don't build a fire well and keep it fed, the flame will go out. Paying attention AND doing the work. It has to be both. Last year I practiced paying attention, but now it's time to do something with these moments!

So that is where I am setting my heart this year- to tend well my relationship with God, my family and marriage, and my home, Nothing else will matter if those fall apart. Everything else will spring from those three things.

What's your word for 2015?

here. settling in.

it's 3pm on a Friday afternoon... and all is peace and calm... it's actually a little creepy.

Elizabeth has had two good naps today.  The boys have occupied themselves.  We had a friend over- so sweet to meet in real life instead of on facebook.  I baked cinnamon toast cake and baked oatmeal (so we actually have some type of breakfast here tomorrow).  I made dinner in my own kitchen last night.  we slept.

I think we're finally settling in.  and it feels good.

Sadly, there were some things I failed to pack, that seriously were at the house and just didn't make it in the suitcase.  Like peppermint extract.  You know how Christmas looks desperate around here if I don't have my peppermint!  And my oven thermometer.  fail.

But other things did make it that already have it feeling like home: stainless steel french press (gotta have coffee even if you don't have power!), my command center calendar (seen here), my Willow Tree figures, my happy yellow flowers... and much more.

If you are planning to move overseas, let me encourage you to find any Facebook groups for expats in your area- we have already bought a bookcase, a pack n play, an entry table, and a chair from people in Kampala just through these type of groups!

here.

here.  where my two feet are.  it hasn't been an easy word for me.  as we travel the states raising funds for our life in Uganda, all i want is to be there. not here.  which, i suspect, is why He led me to this one word for 2014.

it has grounded me and given me a center to which I can keep returning. "stay here. don't rush ahead to Uganda."  this is my inner monologue most days.

and i've found that here is lovely.  here is the only place i can experience His presence.  here only becomes beautiful when i give thanks, and count the blessings found right where i am. and there becomes so alluring when i slip from gratitude to complaint.  it isn't always black and white in Scripture- but it can be implied in most passages.  and so i sit with verses like

"The Word became flesh and made His dwelling {here} among us." -John 1:14

"You shall give as the Lord your God blesses you... {here} at the place where the Lord your God chooses to make His name abide..." -Deut. 16:10-11 

where has He chosen to make His name abide?  here. in me.  i am the temple of the Holy Spirit.

there is so much more He has to work in me through this word.  now that we have a departure date (July 17!!!!), it's easier to stay here- knowing it's not forever.  but i don't want to miss anything He has for me here!

I'm linking up at the Grove- checking in on our One Word 365 today.

Entrusted

And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. -2 Timothy 2:2

I am constantly humbled and honored to work alongside men and women who have a passion for the world.  This year of Homeland Ministry has been a blessing.  It has been hard, but it has been fruitful. We get to do ministry alongside the people who carry us while we're in Uganda!  

As we prepare to return to Uganda, we are confident in the team that God is raising up!  We can only imagine the amazing things God will do with the prayers and support of this team.  If our first term was good, this one is going to be amazing!  But that also means the enemy won't be happy.  I get the sense that this term is going to be harder in a lot of ways, which is why I am so grateful for the growth I've seen in our champions {not just growth in numbers, but growth in depth and commitment}!

We are seeing God take some of our engaged champions to the next level- they get it, the ministry is theirs, they are owning it!  It is so cool to see and be a part of.  As some have hosted dinners to spread the word, and others have fought for us in their churches- we are watching God do something big.  And we get to be here for it!  We don't have to watch from a computer screen.  

So thank you, to all of our champions who have invested in this ministry- it's ours- together, for the kingdom of God!  And in the words of one our champions, "Thank you, God, for raising up more members for our team!"

We have no doubt that God is going to do big things through our ministry, and in our lives as we participate with Him!  

My Feet are Tied...

here. these are slow days. my feet are tied.  but these small ones are my chief responsibility right now.  and my chief avenue of sanctification.

"My lord knows that the children are weak... please let my lord go on ahead before his servant. I will lead on slowly at a pace which the children are able to endure..." -Genesis 33:13-14

Jacob was talking with Esau, and he knew the limitations of his large family... he didn't want to drive his young ones harder than they could endure.  How are we, as a culture, doing at this?  I know I am convicted of trying to do too much at times.  But I must lead on slowly.  No running for me!

It feels like losing. this foot-tying.  this voluntary limitation.  These days are full of a thousand opportunities to die to self.  I can die gracefully, or resentfully.  I can let these tiny deaths make me bitter or beautiful.  And so I say, "Yes, Lord. Use these children of mine to apply the knife of the cross to all of my old self- anywhere You can see it, in all the places where I do not know it..."

here. a reminder.

When the Days are Long...

Some days are easier than others.  And on those long days it's even more important to hunt for His gifts.  He is always a good Giver- some days it's easier to see!  Sweet Elizabeth reached 1 month on Sunday.  It has been a joy to watch her grow these past four weeks- crazy how much they change!

when all she wants to do is be held- it's easy to focus on all I've given up to be mama to a small one again.  the long hours of productivity, the ease of getting through a day, a full nights' rest... but God wants me to focus on Himself, gaze in His eyes, and open my hands to receive His gifts:

7551.  Jesus carrying me as I hold this baby
7552.  Your Word that gives life
7553.  Joseph's words of blessing to his brothers
7554.  snacks you can eat with one hand
7555.  finally being able to put her down for a nap.
7556.  getting some work done on the newsletter
7557.  her wild woman hair
7558.  the soft spot to nestle into her neck
7559.  her tiny fingers and toes
7560.  her sweet rosebud lips
7561.  her blueberry eyes
7562.  this tiny person, handcrafted by God
7563.  here. this place I can worship You.

#here: in links

here- all snuggled up on a chilly morning

The links that have been helping me flesh out my One Word 365 for this year:

How to Walk your Soul back to #here.  Excellent and beautiful advice.  I might read this one every day this year.  So lovely.

Slow. her word has the same heartbeat as mine.

Here: The Only Place to Really Live.  I had forgotten that Ann Voskamp had a Year of Here.

On Creativity and Discipline: at the Rabbit Room.  My new favorite online haunt. "I’m a true monastic at heart, but it has been extremely hard for me to come to a place where I’m not crippled by guilt in my efforts to live in a way that, as Macrina Wiederkehr so lovingly put it, is kind to my own soul." 

And this post- the One Word I almost chose.  Dwell.  It's definitely a part of what He will say this year.  "Dwell here. in this moment.  Abide in Me."

Do you have a Word for 2014?  What links have inspired you for this year??

here. in snapshots.

lego love.
setting it up just so.
creating.
intent little boy.

that cowlick. swirling. right in the middle.
dimples. in sweet cheeks.
clean diaper.
laundry scattered in the background.

busy hands.
drawing. coloring. cutting.
scraps on the floor.
happy boys. 

i'm here. and choosing to see joy. 

Five Minute Friday: Fight

stay.  here.  don't fight it.

just two weeks ago, I gave birth to a sweet girl.  and then Christmas happened.  and New Years.  and I find myself doing too much.  I'm not quite recovering as quickly as it took me to feel good. 

so here i am.  3 days into 2014, and my one word is already turning against me. 

i'm fighting it.  i know i need to stay here.  be still.  receive.  heal.  but everything in me fights the call to just sit here.  i feel fine.  but my body betrays me.  i guess i will just give thanks for the required respite- look for the grace in each moment.  and let my body do it's thing.  she made me so proud on December 19th, laboring, delivering....  she is sucked dry daily. and hasn't had a full nights' rest.  it's time to stop fighting.  she deserves a break. 

One Word 2014: here

photo by Jeanine Rambo

It's still percolating... but I'm pretty sure my one word this year is "here".  He is calling me to abide- moment by moment, to stay present in this one life I've been given and to be content- no matter where I am living.  So He is calling me here. now.  Because, really, "here is the only place I can love Him" -Ann Voskamp. 

Going Dark...

...I will read a good book..

Josh is safely home.  It was a happy weekend, Jesus really sustained us.  But we both realized that if 5 days apart felt long... what are we going to do when we're an ocean apart for a whole month? 

So, I'm going dark.  Logging off. Saying no to facebook, and blogging, twitter and pinterest.  For one week.  I'm going to savor the best things in life.  I'm going to hug my family tighter.  I'm going to eat wholesome, nourishing food.  I'm going to breathe deep this glorious african air.  I want this place, this season, indelibly printed on my heart.  I'm going to linger over coffee with good friends.  I'm going to write in my journal, with a pen.  I will hand-write notes.  And I will read good books, like Bread and Wine, that instigated this whole post in the first place:

"I realized that the really major things were happening all around me, and that more often than not, I had been missing them because my phone had become an extension of my hand, and what it said to people, essentially, is that just being with them isn't enough.  This view of the ocean? Not enough.  Your story? Not enough." -Shauna Niequist, Bread and Wine.

...like swapping stories with a kindred spirit...

This book is messing with me in all the right ways.  Something in it resonates with me.  It's like swapping stories with a kindred spirit in your cozy living room, and leaving transformed and enlightened {after having a really good laugh and/or cry}.   So, I want to be present.  I want to live my life and write my own story.  I want to surround myself with beautiful women, and eat delicious food, and hug my boys... I'm taking a deep breath, and entering into my own story.  I'll be back next Tuesday.