Getting grace for that...

I'm revisiting a great book called "Loving the Little Years" by Rachel Jankovic because I need a refresher! If you have little people, you should grab this book.

One phrase that has challenged and encouraged me is "...if I am willing to get the grace for it...". So often I look at all my responsibilities, all the people who need me, how much I am pouring out, and I get exasperated, and bitter. But that is only because I'm giving out of my own limited {very limited} resources, instead of out His abundance! If I enter each situation, and answer each request with the grace I've gotten from Him, I am able to do all that is required of me in this season.

Just like I can't fill each cup at the table without first filling the pitcher, I must run to Jesus with every request and ask Him to give me all I need to meet the needs around me. And this doesn't look like an hour-long prayer session! Often it sounds like a fervent cry for help as I rush to get the toddler off the table or nurse the baby for the eleventh time that hour {yes, I'm exaggerating!}.

I don't have much time in the Word these days, but Daily Light is brief and only Scripture around one theme a day! And just the other day I fell on these words: "Therefore, since we have this ministry as we have received mercy, we do not lose heart." -II Corinthians 4:1

I have this ministry of motherhood as I have received mercy- He has given me all I need to do this one job well. He has called me to tend His sheep; I just need to get the grace for that.

It would be so easy to lose heart in this intense season, but if I keep taking all I need from Him I won't run dry.

slowly.

Rebekah Faith 5 lbs 13 oz, 19 inches on July 5, 2015

"The days are long, but the years are short."

"Go slowly, don't miss these precious memories."

"You will miss these days when they are all grown up."

These are the words being spoken to us in these newborn days.  And it feels like we just. did. this. Feels like yesterday we were snuggling baby Elizabeth in New Jersey... but we have been in Uganda for a year already! And baby Elizabeth is now a 19 month toddler! This post is still so true and such a challenge to me.

This new precious bundle has been filling our days and minutes since Rebekah Faith was born on July 5! And we are trying to go slowly, to savor, to enjoy. Obviously  there are moments we don't completely enjoy- the wee hour wakings, the messy diapers, the fighting siblings- but on the whole we are enjoying.

What a sweet time of recovery and bonding for our family.

Josh has been crazy busy with the family transition and leadership transition within WGM Uganda. He is now the Acting Country Director until Jeff Stanfield returns from medical leave. And I am busy keeping up with Elizabeth and snuggling Rebekah and hanging out with the boys. School starts in less than two weeks and our new normal will shift again!

Scott and Meg have moved out to Kasese, western Uganda. Grandmom Pat has arrived for a one month visit to help with the new baby. The Williams have arrived and Burkes and Mayos come this month. So much change! But He is near. Keep praying for us. Will update as soon as I can. Thank you for grace!

Two Whole Months

Where do you even begin when it's been almost two months since your last blog post?!

Do you try to catch up? Do you share just the highlights? Do you ignore all these things and just pretend that two months is no big deal? Do you give all the reasons why you have been too busy to blog?? Do you stumble all over yourself apologizing and making empty promises to do better this month?

What do you want to read after a blog absence?

The Last Two Months {by the numbers}

• 1.5 - pounds Baby #4 has gained (generally babies at this stage go from 1 lb to 2 .5 lbs)
• 5:00- the time Elizabeth has been waking up recently
• 2- the birthdays our family has celebrated in the past two months
• 60- the number of people who have come to our house for a meal, a small group, a prayer meeting or coffee.
• 4- the number of overnight guests we've hosted the past two months.
• 45x2- the number of lunches I've packed
• 1- the number of Bible studies I've taught
• 228- the number of diapers I've changed (low-ball estimate)
• 48- the number of loads of laundry 
• 121- the number of times I've read "Are You My Mother?" to Elizabeth
• 85- the number of beautiful pregnant or new mamas I worshiped with yesterday in the slums

So there you have it. Blogging has just taken a back-burner to life. And that's the way it should be. I'm tending the hearts He has entrusted to me. But have no fear, what He is working into my life will make for some great posts in the future {when I can sit and write uninterrupted, or, you know, when I can think two consecutive thoughts}. 

What to do when your life looks mostly like this:

toddler in my lap. baby bump (due August 1). grilled cheese. watching Backyardigans.

I may have been sent to Uganda, but my everyday probably looks a lot like yours, perhaps with better weather.

We are all called to go into all the world and make disciples. Most days I can do that from my living room, or my laptop. You might do that through your bank account, your prayer closet, or your neighborhood playground.

If you are anything like me, though, it doesn't always happen. I don't gather my kids around the Bible everyday. I don't pray for them like I should. I can rush through a whole day cooking, chasing, resting... without ever glancing in His direction. This is why I needed the word "tend" this year. I need to be intentional. I want to tend my little flock well.

I've discovered there are a few things I can do daily that help me remember that I am a "sent one":

• Stay in the Word, especially the Gospels. Even if it's just one verse to cling to for a whole week- write it somewhere you will see it. And keep clinging!
• Ask Him what He wants you to tend today. I've given up on living a "balanced" life- ebb and flow is much more realistic. And as I ask Him what to tend He gives me His assignment for the day (and it's generally way more do-able than the list I have in my head)- some days it's baking for my people, other days it's reaching out to other missionary women. Sometimes He reminds me to tend to my husband, and occasionally He says "Let Me tend you today". And when I accept His assignment I don't have to feel guilty that I am not being all things to all men every moment! Hallelujah! Such freedom in obedience!
  
• Surround yourself with other women in the same season of life. And encourage each other in your mission! It has been a blessing to join a weekly Bible study targeted at pregnant mamas in a nearby slum. Not only do I get to minister by my very presence at this Bible study, I am in their same season of life. It is good for me to be reminded of the vital ministry we have to our children and future generations!
• Don't compare! You are uniquely sent wherever you are. He didn't send anyone else. Embrace your role and your season and make disciples! {totally preaching to myself as I wish I could be a tad more productive these days}

What season are you in? What does disciple-making look like for you?

Hidden.

In this age of social media it is so easy and tempting to be seen. I can post an instagram of me and Elizabeth reading a book, or what I am chopping for dinner. I can share a funny quote from my kids. And I have total control over how I curate these moments. I can also rationalize that our family back in the states and our supporters want to be a part of our lives, albeit, virtually.

Up until this generation most of these moments were shared only by a mama and her kids- perhaps a friend who was over for a real-life playdate. And now these precious moments are broadcast all over the internet. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, or that I don't do my share of over-sharing. But this morning, Jesus started opening my eyes to the beauty and purpose of hidden-ness.

I'll be the first to admit that these tiny years, and life on the mission field, can be lonely {which makes the temptation to broadcast that much stronger}. My days revolve around nap-times and bed-times. And my energy for socializing is practically non-existent. And my other missionary mom friends have the same problems. And I sometimes wonder "what's the point?" What is God doing in these hidden years?

I think I found my answer in the story of David summarized in Psalm 78:70-72 (NKJV):

"He also chose David His servant, and took him from the sheepfolds; from following the ewes that had young He brought him, to shepherd Jacob His people, and Israel His inheritance. So he shepherded them according to  the integrity of his heart, and guided them by the skillfulness of his hands."

God took David from the sheepfolds- from a hidden place of faithfulness, years of doing small things- in preparation for leading His people. Because of his hidden years and all God worked into him in those days, David had the integrity, faithfulness, and skills required in his next assignment.

You don't learn integrity in the spotlight. The spotlight only reveals integrity. Integrity is birthed in hidden faithfulness when no one is watching. Integrity is when your words, and actions line up, when people can count on you to do what you say you will do, and when you keep at it even when no one notices. Skillfulness is gained by habitual practice, repetition, dailiness, hard work and discipline.

David knew that being a shepherd is lonely business; there was no one around but sheep and God. And that was enough.

And so God is teaching me that the beauty of hidden-ness is the intimacy I can cultivate with Him and my flock in this season. And the purpose of hidden-ness is to produce in my character the things that are lacking. I'm sure there will still be pictures on instagram {don't worry, mom!}, but behind the scenes I'll be pursuing my Audience of One.

How do you deal with the loneliness of the little years? Please share!

A Tale of Two Mornings {a lesson in grace and second chances}

Some days the cup of coffee is just not big enough.  True, I shouldn't even be drinking coffee in my pregnant state- but let's face it- this is baby #4.

So, yesterday came screaming to life with the sound of our baby girl in the monitor. at 5am. I climb out of bed. Wrestle my mosquito net. Drag my feet down the hall. All the while grumbling in my heart. Crank-City.

Now, if Jesus sweetly wakes me at 5am- that's one thing. If a needy child wakes me- it's an entirely different, ugly thing.

I trudged through the morning; everyone in this house was aware that I was not happy. Eventually I got some time with Jesus and He gently revealed {again} that this is the real me.

He has filled me with His Spirit, and whatever good things are in this heart are all HIM. Anything ugly that flows forth is me: sin-sick and selfish.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 12:9

And so 5am rolled around again today and baby girl was ready to party. I had a choice: start the day like I did yesterday and let self run the show, or press in and let Him do my living. Praise the Lord for second chances, and for opportunities to try again after we have failed! He is so good to us.

Friend, do you have a weakness you would rather hide?? I've done that- and the hiding gets lonely. Let's boast in those weaknesses- so that His power may rest on us today!

Here's to early mornings and second chances! Praying grace upon grace for your Monday.

One Word 365: Tend 2015

In my perfect world, I slip away on January 1st and spend the day in solitude, prayer, reflection and planning.

In my real world, it's January 12th and I'm stealing an hour during nap-time. It's not perfect, but it will have to do. It's a "partial solution", as Tsh Oxenreider would say.

My year of #here 2014 was such a success. That word met me pretty much everyday. I didn't stay present every moment, but I did a little better. And this year's word is just taking it to the next level.

Tend: to care for, to watch over, protect, nurture.

There are so many directions this word may go- tending a flock, tending a garden, tending a fire... but the one essential element in each of those tasks is paying attention and doing the work.  If the shepherd falls asleep, the sheep are at risk. If the gardener fails to water the plants, they will shrivel and die. If you don't build a fire well and keep it fed, the flame will go out. Paying attention AND doing the work. It has to be both. Last year I practiced paying attention, but now it's time to do something with these moments!

So that is where I am setting my heart this year- to tend well my relationship with God, my family and marriage, and my home, Nothing else will matter if those fall apart. Everything else will spring from those three things.

What's your word for 2015?