and yet...

house renovation josh's working on 

crumbling plaster. cracked wooden floors. weary muscles. sore hands. fall into bed bone weary. sleep. wake up to it all again. josh puts in 40 hours of hard labor (and keeps up with his seminary) and yet- this is the "for now provision", not a "forever solution".  

math. handwriting. making lunches. solving sibling squabbles and soothing raw emotions. menu planning. mountains of laundry. mine is a 24/7 job of motherhood and yet- they are here and they are ours....friends of ours are grieving the deepest loss imaginable, their son just 11 years old. and I just cook and pray, sweep and pray, wake in the night and pray that Jesus meets them and carries them and brings good out of such tragedy. 

I'm re-reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. It's been 10+ years since I read it last and I didn't quite need a theology of suffering then like I do now. And it is perfect. I'll do a 2020 book post next!

in these dark days of advent where loss is everywhere and holidays will not look the same as they used to, when I am so happy to be near family this year and missing our Uganda people and traditions (and weather, let's be honest) I need some anchors for my soul. our Jesse tree and advent wreath. our advent envelopes. lighting a candle each morning to be with Jesus. writing a gift list (not what I want... but what He has already given). and reading honest books. it's all so hard. there is so much grief and loss and suffering and political and racial tension and yet- these are the things giving me life right now. 

though wars rage and loved ones die, though we are grieving the loss of our life and ministry in Uganda and don't know where the Lord is leading us, yet we know He is here and we will rejoice that He is near to the broken-hearted.

what's been giving you life these days?