The grass is always greener...

Life is hard when you are living a life that isn't your dream. Josh and I are stuck living each other's dream. He is working from home and staying with Caleb, while I am at work 40 hours a week. In my heart of hearts, I long to be a stay at home mom. And I believe that God would not plant that desire within me, just to leave me discontent. But I also know that there are sacrifices that must be made in order for Josh to be in full-time ministry. Are my dreams and his dreams what ought to be sacrificed? I don't know if there is an answer to our dilemma. I know if I could choose... Trinity would have enough money to pay Josh enough for us to live on. I would even be able to work as the part time Discipleship pastor. And I could stay home with Caleb. I could plan delicious and frugal menus, I could spend time doing some comparative grocery shopping to ensure we were getting good deals, I could play with Caleb, continue teaching him sign language, take him to the park, read him stories and sing him songs...I know there would be many frustrations being a Stay at Home mom... but they would pale in comparison to being there for my sons rapidly formative years!!! I have lost my passion for my work- some cute little boy stole my heart! And so, as I stare at my circumstances I grow increasingly resentful... but then I remember I am supposed to be gazing at Jesus and glancing at the world... and so my gaze is lifted... and we lock eyes- and I remember His agony on my behalf. What is my suffering compared to His? Is this not my act of worship, to live joyously in whatever circumstances He has placed me? I know that I can trust Him, I just need to do it.

Catching up!

Wow, our little Caleb is getting so big! He is crawling around like crazy- but his mission these days is to walk. He can walk at a speedy pace holding our fingers- but the balance is lacking. My bet is that he will be walking by the end of July, not that we want him to be completely mobile... he will just be happier having attained his one and only goal in life. Being at camp last week was crazy. He spent most of his time in the stroller because we didn't want to deal with taking three baths a day due to crawling in the sand! He was a trooper though- and we made it home safe and sound! It was wonderful to see Scott and Meg, they came up from Mississippi for Camp Meeting. I miss them already! They were a huge help with Caleb while Josh was the dean and I was preaching at the youth chapels!

My sermons revolved around the theme "Are you in?" Asking the question are you in Him or not in Him? There are no other options! It was a great week and the campers were awesome! It was such a blessing to preach the holiness message and to have people respond to His call!

These days Caleb is really into books, paper, food, and crawling! Such a sweet baby!